Review - City of the Living Dead (1980 - Dir. Lucio Fulci)

If you've been with us since the very start (April 2011) then you'll know that this was the first film reviewed on this very site. And it was a bit rubbish. (The review, not the film.) So seeing as though we're having a bit of a zombie celebration I thought it would be rude not to have another look at one of the classics of the genre.

It is still a classic but as I was watching it I couldn't get over how terrible it is in parts. For example, the plot. To be generous, it's a big pile of dog presents. I'll buy the fact that a priest committing suicide has opened a gate to hell. But what happens after that is suspect to say the least. Characters behave in some very strange ways. When faced with a rather slimy zombie, Gerry (Carlo De Mejo) decides to comfort a small child in an incredibly calm manner, then has a look at the zombie in question. Does he attack it with a baseball bat encrusted with razor blades, or just leg it? Nope he shuts his eyes. For about five seconds. Any other zombie film and he's a dead man, but here the zombie vanishes. Not a standard tactic but it worked surprising well. Well done Carlo.

That brings me neatly to the next point: the vanishing zombies. They are brought to you by some stunning special effects technology. Slap the camera on a tripod, film the scene with the zombie there. Then remove said zombie and film it again. The editor can then craftily swap between the two shots and, hey presto, the zombie disappears (or appears as the case may be.) Premium quality.

There is also someone to rival Mary's dad in the bad acting stakes and amazingly he's someone's dad: Emily's dad. His acting is really bad, even compared to the acting in the rest of the film - which can be best described as standing around - but Emily's dad reaches new depths. All he has to do is look upset and he does it spectacularly badly. If he'd have just said, "Emily love," the package would have been complete.

This all sounds like I hate City of the Living Dead. But perversely, I love it. I was trying to work out why, and this was the best I could come up with: the brilliant parts make me forgive, even enjoy, the dire bits. And what brilliant parts there are. There are four standout scenes. Some films can't even manage one so it's doing well already. Beware there are spoilers ahead, as we have a look at those scenes in a bit more detail:

1. Catriona MacColl being buried alive and then getting rescued by Christopher George. The only problem here is that he slams a pickaxe through the top of the coffin narrowly missing her head. On numerous occasions. No acting required here because it looks absolutely terrifying. The pick comes perilously close to her face despite it being rigged to miss her. Add to that the claustrophobia factor and it must have been a nightmare to film. Luckily, the end shot of her screaming through the hole made in the coffin is truly iconic.

2. Daniela Doria throwing up her guts. Literally. This has to be one of the most gip inducing scenes in cinema. The first shots of the actual actress, (who Fulci lovely to put through hell) with intestines pouring out of her mouth are bad enough. And you'd think that when it swaps to a blatantly fake special effects head for the final push the vomit would recede. But no, it gets worse as a huge lump passes out from her lips. Disgusting stuff, but great.

3. Giovanni Lombardo Radice, as the seedy loner Bob, getting his head drilled. Another iconic moment here as the horror is drawn out to really get the most out of the effect. The tension is ramped up as his head gets closer and closer. And it intercuts between shots of the drill bit getting closer and closer. In most other films, he'd get rescued at the last moment, it would show the death in shadow, or cut at the moment of insertion. Not here. The camera loving gazes on as the drill enters his head, pierces his cheek on the other side, and then continues to spin for a while longer. It's a great effect, even now, and must be up there as one of the greatest screen deaths (now there's an idea for a Letterboxd list).

4. The final sequence with Carlo, Catriona and Christopher in the tomb of the dead priest. Not as excessive as anything that has preceded, though still brilliant nonetheless. The set design and lighting are gorgeous with skeletons and cobwebs hanging from the roof, lit with spooky blue lights in true gothic style. Then the music kicks in and the dead rise. In a similar way to The Beyond, the music signals the beginning of the end, and it's stunning mix of visuals and sound. 

There are other moments too, for example, the Sherrif's comment about Bob burning in hell, but it's the above scenes that garner the film so much goodwill from the viewer that its faults can be overlooked or, which happens more often, laughed at and enjoyed. Even the shockingly bad ending is part of the fun. For me, the things that stop it from being a 10 are the zombie make-ups, that are more oozy than the crusty examples in Zombie Flesh Eaters, and those disappearing zombies that I can never fully forgive. 

Right, now that I've got this review done and dusted, I'm off to Celluloid Screams 2013. Full coverage coming very soon...
9/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Zombie Flesh Eaters, The Beyond, The House by the Cemetery.

Review - Zombie Flesh Eaters 3 (1989 - Dir. Claudio Fragasso)

A comedy intro scene kicks off the proceedings, involving a sub-standard Tina Turner impersonator writhing around and then getting sucked into the third gate to hell. The voodoo priest responsible has an altercation with some ineffectual military types and zombies are released as per usual. Intercut with this are scenes of a family who are all incredibly bad actors (all no doubt related to Mary's dad). They are legging it from some zombies. As you would if you were a loving parent, the mother gives her six year old child a necklace and tells her to run, because an infant can obviously run faster than a grown woman carrying an infant. Amazingly she escapes and years later the girl, now a lovely lady called Jenny (Candice Daly), returns to the island with a bunch of mercenaries. As you do. 

At this point I thought I was in for a straight re-run of the terrible Zombie Flesh Eaters 2. Although it's got a slight more coherent plot than the previous film, it is still a complete mess story and logic wise. Jenny thinks that she dreamt the whole zombie island thing but when some slightly strange things start to happen on their boat she immediately attributes it all to real zombies. Now, I used to have a recurring dream about a T-Rex in my back garden but every time I hear a strange noise behind the back of my house, I don't immediately think, oh no, dinosaurs! To make matters worse when a zombie does appear and takes a chunk out of someone's face she doesn't even comment on it. Not even a smug, I told you so.

Add to this characters that always take the stupid route and the problems just keep mounting up. Three researchers come across the Book of the Dead. One sensible lady (I have no power over her) decides not to read from it. The lad (specialist film star, Jeff Stryker) - who looks suspiciously like Action Man complete with eagle-eye action - has a little read but stops short at the mysterious words that will bring forth the dead (despite the fact that they're already knocking about on the island). The bloke leading the expedition charges straight in there and reads the words. Funnily enough all hell breaks loose.

So it's a shambles. But it's a funny shambles. The zombies in particular are a highlight. They're more like ninja zombies complete with hoods and a fair few have the ability to fly into scenes as if they've just bounced off a trampet. (I always knew there had to be a legitimate use for trampets.) At least they've made an effort this time as there are shots of them rising from the grave - very shallow graves, granted - wreathed in foggy goodness.

On top of the ninja zombies there are also some zombies that can talk and fire weaponry. Now, I know I've complained about zombies with extra talents in other reviews, Land of the Dead especially. In Romero films, I'm after a quality experience, that takes zombies seriously. Here, as in Nightmare City, I couldn't care less and the talking zombies only add to the humour.

This is a notch above Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, and it's quite enjoyable, although it is best seen after a few pints of tequila. 
3/10
evlkeith



 If you like this you could also try:
Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, Nightmare City, Zombie Creeping Flesh.

Review - The Plague of the Zombies (1966 - Dir. John Gilling)

André Morell. Without him this film wouldn't have been anywhere near as good. The writing is good, and surprisingly funny, but Morell (The Hound of the Baskervilles) makes it shine and carries the whole film. Eminently watchable and it is a testament to his premium acting prowess that the film takes a dip at the end when he doesn't have as much to say. He's not the best action star ever and doesn't quite pull it off. He was 57 at the time though so I'll let him off.

Sir James Forbes (Morell) and his daughter Sylvia (Diane Clare - Ice Cold in Alex) are investigating a mysterious set of deaths in a small village in Cornwall. They are tipped off by one of Sir James' top students, Dr Peter Thompson (Brook Williams). As soon as they arrive they fall foul of some hunters (evil red-jacketed fox-worriers) who are top buddies with the local squire (a suitably nefarious John Carson). Bandages, voodoo, bongo drums and plasticine dolls made by infant children all play a part in the proceedings. Mmm, looks like we've got a mystery on our hands...

You would expect the 1966 zombies to be, well, a bit useless. Some of them are, but there are some effective scenes. There is a brilliant image of Dr Pete's wife Alice, which is then followed up with some Evil Dead 2 style spade swinging. You also get the surprise appearance of Michael Myers at the end too. Bonus! Ah, no, it's just a zombie with a rather large mask on to stop him burning his face off. Never mind.

The weak link is Dr Pete. His acting is just a smidge above Mary's dad. Melodrama is not the word as he gets some rather upsetting news. I'm not sure that the laughs that ensued were that intentional. 

If Thatcher had seen this film she would probably have tried to implement the villain's scheme as a way of sacking all of the miners and getting some really cheap labour. Actually I wouldn't put it past the Cameron/Clegg duo. So don't send them a copy of this film in any way, shape or form. Okay?

7/10

evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.9)

If you liked this you could also try:
Night of the Living Dead, Quatermass and the Pit, The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959).

Review - A Lonely Place to Die (2011 - Dir. Julian Gilbey)

Have a good look at the DVD cover. Consider the title. Okay, what's the film about? Climbing, obviously. A lady gets stuck up a mountain, without any hope of rescue and it's all really tense.

Nope. Another example of some quality misleading marketing (this seems to be becoming a regular occurrence - see The Raid review for more deceit). It has got a smidgen of climbing in it. And she does get stuck on a cliff. But A Lonely Place to Die is really a thriller about a kidnapping. In a similar vein to High Lane, the climbing action is soon dispensed with and it morphs into an altogether different film. (I think I'll have to watch a proper climbing film soon, but not the slightly whiffy Vertical Limit.)

Melissa George (Alias, Dark City) is on a climbing trip with some of her chums when they find a kidnappee. The rest of the film is spent trying to keep a safe distance from the slightly unhinged kidnappers. The film is set in Scotland, which makes the film visually quite pleasant, what with all the lovely views and the rather bizarre street festival where some red-painted ladies get their raspberry ripples out. This is supposed to be in Scotland, surely they would have some substantial wool cardies on and some quality technical wicking undergarments (undershirt, undergloves, underhats, underunderpants, the works).

My main problem with this film is Ed (Ed Speleers - Eragon). Initially, he cracks a very obvious poker gag and is generally obnoxious. But then... but then, he states that he doesn't like sandwiches! What kind of a sick pervert doesn't like sarnies?!? (Sorry. Severe punctuation overload. I was goaded though.) I was severely hoping that he'd get maimed or shot for this major misdemeanor. A kind lady has made him a lovely little picnic for his dinner and he starts moaning when he finds out that two slices of bread and a filling are involved. What was he expecting? A full Sunday dinner with all the trimmings? What other possible food substance can you have in a lunchbox? My only thought was... DIE!

Apart from Melissa George (who is just about passable) and Alec Newman, the acting is just one notch up from the soaps. Not Mary's dad standard in the slightest but when it's noticeable that someone is acting, something has gone awry. 


A Lonely Place to Die is a thriller but I was never really that thrilled. It was entertaining enough but I never felt any tension, just a feeling of preposterousness. Who are the two hunters at the start and what are they up to? Why do characters seem to appear for the sole purpose of being killed? Why does our heroine seek refuge in an occupied house when she is being chased by a shotgun wielding miscreant knowing full well what will happen? And why does that freak not like sarnies?!? (Let it lie... let it lie.)

From watching the Special Features it looks like they had a lot more fun making this film than I did watching it. (In truth, I enjoyed the extras a lot more than the actual film.) The director deserves some respect for getting Canon 5D footage into a fairly large feature film and any film containing a man wearing a pig mask can't be all bad.
4/10
evlkeith




If you like this you could also try:
High Lane, Kill List (it has a similar atmosphere in parts), Touching the Void.

Review - Hobson's Choice (1954 - Dir. David Lean)

There has been a bit of an unofficial Sir John Mills Season going on without me noticing. This is the third film containing him in not many weeks (see This Happy Breed and Ice Cold in Alex for more of his antics). No wonder he was compared to a chameleon by many of his actorly chums due to his independently swiveling eyes. Er, not really. Just from the three roles here, you can see his range. Every character is very different and at times it's hard to believe they were all played by the same man. A true master of his craft. The complete polar opposite of Mary's dad.


In Hobson's Choice he plays Willie Mossop, a boot-hand in Henry Hobson's (Charles Laughton) boot emporium. Hobson's three daughters are all of a marrying age (he believes Maggie is well past it at the ancient age of 30), but Hobson won't pay the settlement required by their husbands-to-be. When Hobson (a loveable comedy alcoholic, as they all were in the films of this period) gets completely tanked and falls into a cellar, Maggie (Brenda De Banzie) sees an opportunity for some devious crafty wiliness.

For a film that is nearly sixty years old, Maggie is a surprisingly strong female lead. Hobson obviously has his ideas about a woman's place but Maggie shows her true potential as a business woman. She is strong-minded, knows how to get what she wants and doesn't stand for any messing. Strange that one of the only pictures I can find is of her in the kitchen.

When we first meet Willie, peeking his head through the cellar trapdoor (shouting 'Swallow your soul!' - sorry, wrong film), he lacks self-esteem and clearly knows his place in the grand scheme of things. By the end of the film, Maggie transforms him into a hard-nosed, go-getting business lad. Cleverly, the script still allows you to see through the veneer of confidence to the character we know. A quality performance.

Hobson's Choice is a gentle comedy with some laugh out loud moments (in particular, the comment Willie makes the morning after his wedding night). As with most older films, the pace is slower, but this is used to great effect. In the build up to the aforementioned scene, Willie spends an eternity getting ready to go to bed, tending the fire, folding his clothes etc. This makes his comment even funnier. A classic film and one that I would recommend as a 'My First Black and White Film' experience. (Plus you get appearances from British sit-com icons John Laurie and Prunella Scales - what more do you want?)
8/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
This Happy Breed, Ice Cold in Alex, Sailor Beware.

Review - Beyond Remedy (2009 - Dir. Gerhard Hroß)

Do some filmmakers actually title their films to make it easy for reviewers? (Another prime example is the low quality Atrocious.) Why not just call your film, Less Pleasurable Than Intimate Fun With A Rotary Hand Whisk? It would certainly save me the bother of a) watching it, b) reviewing it and c) binning it.

A group of phobia-suffering medical students go to a hospital where they are treated with some fairly extreme techniques. There are some fairly strange phobias too: one sufferer is afraid of mirrors (he's not a vampire though, just ugly), but the strangest is a surgeon who's afraid of scalpels; that's like a baker who's afraid of baps. To make matters worse a chain-mail wearing surgeon-killer is on the loose (I'm making this sound far more interesting than it is).

You might have guessed that Beyond Remedy is not a good film. In actual fact, every aspect of the film is really, really bad. The acting from the whole cast is sub-porn. I half expected a moustachioed plumber to arrive in the middle of a scene and remove his huge tool from a tidy box. But the acting is worse than that. It pains me to say it, but it is sub-Mary's dad from Eastenders. (For overseas readers, Eastenders is a British soap, full of bad actors, the worst offender being Mary's Dad whose lines mainly consisted of saying, "Oh, Mary love." He appeared in the first years of the soap and his acting set the zero-level that every other actor can be measured against.)

(Mary's Dad: sadly he doesn't make an appearance in Beyond Remedy)

You don't normally notice editing in a film, generally because it's done well. Beyond Remedy is a lesson in how to break the rules of editing, but not in a good way. The highlight is a shot of our heroine jumping from a ledge, fifteen feet above the ground.  Cut instantly to her landing softly in a fella's arms. To be fair to the editor, this could be the director's fault; if you only get the footage of her jumping from a foot off the ground there's not much you can do with it.  

Everything else is the film is poor: the lighting, the droning music, the virtually silent sound effects and the comedy prosthetics work. I bet the caterers even served up hummus sarnies. I'm not going to rant any longer. Just be glad you haven't had to sit through this shambles. It only gets a 1/10 because at least they've had a go and it's not an irritating film, unlike our 0/10 offerings. At least I only paid a quid for it.

1/10

evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:
Oh, I really can't be bothered.