"Hiya you guys! It's me, Friendly Terry Wogan, coming at you live from Children in Need. And what a treat we've got lined up for you tonight."
"Sam Raimi had a big hit with his family favourites: The Evil Dead and its sequel Evil Dead 2, so he's decided to make yet another zany sequel just for us here at Children in Need! Cheers matey! Obviously he's had to tone it down very, very, very slightly so that we don't offend the Queen and all the little kiddies watching, but it's still chock full of Evil Dead goodness."
"We all love The Three Stooges here at Children in Need and so does Mr Raimi. He's hinted at his love for those gormless buffoons in the previous two film - although they were maybe a bit too rough for my liking - but here he's really gone for it and packed in loads of humourous Stooge inspired gags. Ho ho, how I laughed at the 'hand down the middle of the face/finger poke in the eyes' gag. It's amazing!"
"The Evil Dead was one of my top mates Mary Whitehouse's favourite films but she always had one little quibble with it: it looked a bit too grainy - and more importantly - a bit too dirty. Thankfully Mr Raimi has sorted all of that out and everything and everybody looks really shiny in this Children in Need exclusive version. Bruce Campbell's hair is particularly spick and span and well greased. The special make up effects have been given a good scrub too so there's no fear of catching any sort of unpleasant disease off the grimy screen."
"One crazy boss here at the BBC was a tad worried about us showing this, so we checked it out with evlkeith's mum. It got a big two thumbs up from her... apart from the ending. Oh dear, she didn't like the down ending and demanded that it have a nice happy ending. Mr Raimi couldn't have been more accommodating. He was straight back in the studio shooting an altogether more agreeable upbeat ending."
"Being a BBC production, Mr Raimi had to scale back his ambitions slightly. He would have obviously preferred to have used Ray Harryhausen style stop-motion animation on the skeletons but, hey-ho, he couldn't have done it all like that. So he had to make do with a bit of animation, plus puppets and blokes in skeleton suits."
"He has managed to get in a bit better acting talent though. Way better than those low budget friends of his. Bridget Fonda makes a cameo, and Jeremy Paxman, but Embeth Davidtz (Schindler's List) has a much larger role as Brucie's love interest. She's lush!"
"Coming up at 7 o'clock we've got the cast of Casualty and the BBC newsreaders dancing Gangnam Stylee in transparent PVC lederhosen, but now it's time to unveil Sam Raimi's Army of Darkness. Yo kids! You're gonna love it! Bitchin'!" NB The above may not be an accurate transcription of what Mr Wogan actually said on Children in Need. 4/10 (for the Director's Cut with the proper down ending.) evlkeith
If you like this you could also try: Darkman, My Name is Bruce.
What a completely dull title. It's so dull, it wouldn't even show the reflection of Liberace's teeth. The original title of Children Who Chase Lost Voices is a lot better. They should have stuck with that.
This is Makoto Shinkai's love letter to Hayao Miyazaki. Well, it's a bit more than a love letter actually. It's a sidle up to him on the settee, drape an arm round his shoulders and give him a cheeky kiss on the lips kind of affair. The general idea of a mysterious hidden land, populated with strange guardians will be familiar to any of Miyazaki's fans. The designs also feel strangely familiar too. See what you think of the story:
Asuna is a young girl who, due to circumstances, has been forced to develop a lot of independence. She uses a mysterious crystal radio device to try to find a signal. One day she does. She hears some strange music and her interest is piqued. She gets attacked by a huge creature on a bridge and is subsequently saved by a young fellow called Shun. He tells her that he is from Agartha, a hidden land. Amazingly enough, Asuna wants to find Agartha, and so sets off on a journey.
Journey to Agartha deals with such issues as love, death and the aforementioned independence and as such it is fairly adult in tone although it looks as though it's aimed at a younger market. The look is definitely more childlike than either of Shinkai's previous works, The Place Promised in Our Early Days and 5 Centimeters Per Second. Despite dealing with more adult themes, I found it quite dull. It took me a fair few watchings to get through it because I kept nodding off. Now this could be due to tiredness but I think it's more that not very much happens in the film. Looking back on it a couple of days after I've seen it I can't really remember many memorable moments.
The story has the feeling of having been adapted from a book that isn't really that suitable for being adapted. On investigation, it turns out that it's an original story written by Shinkai himself. The action scenes are beautifully shot but way too short. And seeing as though it spends a lot of time dealing with the death of loved ones it is a surprisingly unemotional experience (apart from one unexpected incident, which I won't spoil). Oblivion Islandalso deals with loss, albeit in a shallower form, but it is a lot more fun and entertaining than this.
Despite this my overall feeling about the film is how gorgeous it looks. You could randomly freeze frame it with eyes closed and you'd be rewarded with a stunning image. There are so many lovingly drawn details (again something that makes it feel like a book adaptation). Disney have moved on to 3D animation but this shows the evolution of 2D animation and how great it can look.
One example, and one of the few memorable moments, is a scene toward the end involving God. Being anime, and being based in a hidden world, God doesn't float in on a white cloud and have lovely white hair and a fluffy beard. In fact, this God is more of a Transformer. Cool. It's one of the only times when the story and the images gel together perfectly.
It's a film that I'd like to watch again (and probably fall asleep to again) as it's not an unpleasant experience. My review score may actually increase with repeat viewings. But if Shinkai really wants to snuggle up with Miyazaki he's going to have to lift his story writing to bring it up to par with his beautiful visuals. 6/10 evlkeith
"The Japanese Shaun of the Dead" exclaims the DVD cover. Yes, it includes zombies. Yes, it includes two friends. And yes, it is pretty funny. But it's closer to Bottom vs Zombies. Except the kicks and punches have been replaced by grappling.
Fujio and Mitsuo are two colleagues/buddies who work in a fire extinguisher factory. In their breaks they practise Jujitsu and dream of becoming champions (that's where the endless scenes of grappling come in, which amused me no end). After an unfortunate incident they are forced to visit a toxic waste dump called "Black Fuji" which dominates the skyline of Tokyo. As usual zombies appear and everything kicks off. Fujio and Mitsuo hit the road in a Max and Paddy style van and their adventure begins.
As usual for Japanese films, (well at least the ones I watch) it's not long before the inevitable peeping paedo appears who looks up the skirt of a seemingly dead school girl. The humour does improve but if you're not into violent slapstick (or slow moving grappling) then steer clear. One of the final shots of Mitsuo running after Fujio on a bike is so cheaply done (it is a low budget production with low budget effects, but these add to its charm), but it made me chuckle for a fair while. There is also the inherent humour factor of a man with a huge afro being buddies with a Max Wall lookalike.
Tokyo Zombie is a film of two halves. The first is fun in a stupid random way but then at the halfway point it jumps forward five years in time. I thought at first that this could be its downfall but it delves into The Running Man (that's the film, not the dance) style game show antics, except with more Japanese pensioners. It also gets to show a slightly more emotional side. Don't get me wrong, it's not a sequel to The Notebook but it was enough to endear itself to me.
I can't say that I've been that enamoured by many of the newer zombie films that have been doing the rounds. This is one of the better examples. The film-makers have played to their low budget strengths and gone for stupid slapstick humour (with added grappling) plus you even get a little section of anime thrown in for free. It works for me. 6/10 evlkeith (If you'd like a Tokyo Zombie/Lego treat visit The Ukulele Blog for some great photos.)
Good grief, this is hard work! It’s arty, cinematic poetry representing the perceived viewpoint of the schizophrenic Julien that is simultaneously disturbing, harrowing and annoying. I’ve had to systematically watch it in twenty minute chunks with gritted teeth to struggle through it. It’s not a terrible film, but it’s quite possibly the least enjoyable piece of cinema I have experienced.
Film aficionados will revel in the imagery, the representation of dysfunctional America and the oh so jerky, grainy camera work. However, I found myself asking what is the point of being so deep and meaningful when the end result is such a tortuous episode for the viewer? A portrayal of life for those suffering with schizophrenia sounds both laudable and interesting, but Julien Donkey-Boy is neither. As far as a genre classification goes, this is beyond Gritty, below Grimy and descends into an new area altogether; Grubby.
All the characters barring Julien’s pregnant sister (Chloe Sevigny), are represented extremely negatively. Julien himself (Ewen Bremner) is not only abused by his family, but his actions are often at best, unclear and at worst, disturbingly ambiguous. His wrestling brother (Evan Neumann) is abusive, gormless and shallow, and then we come to Dad…
Julien’s former military father is played by, who else but the legendary Werner Herzog! He literally left me speechless as he squirts his son with a cold hose pipe, makes Julien punch himself ‘because his face is so stupid’ and breaks his daughter’s harp while calling her a slut (gasp). We’re in near-nun killing territory here! (You can't kill nuns - evlkeith) And all spoken in that lovely kind voice he uses to interview people so sensitively in the likes of Grizzly Man and Into the Abyss. It’s a terrible world.
Add to this some aggressive-on-the-ear albino rapping, the fact that every shot and/or scene lasts about twice as long as it optimally should, and the most depraved act of cigarette smoking ever witnessed, and you’ve got yourself a gruelling ninety minutes of non-entertainment ahead of you. 1 point for the sister, 1 point for the smoker and 1 point for Werner, just for being himself, means a very generous score of… 3/10 Doccortex
If you like this you could also try: Gummo, Mister Lonely, The Idiots.
George A. Romero started the zombie ball rolling and he deserves a rather large salute. But I think it was an Italian director who perfected the zombie film with his run of four titles from 1979 to 1981. I'm talking about Lucio Fulci, of course and we'll start with his first masterpiece Zombie Flesh Eaters.
Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow) is investigating the mysterious disappearance of her dad. She joins forces with reporter Peter West (Ian McCulloch). They set sail for the island of Matoul with Auretta Gay and Fulci regular Al Cliver, and become embroiled in some voodoo hi-jinx.
You may be smirking at the island's name, Matoul. And so was Dardano Sacchetti, the screenwriter. There are so many double entendres I began to lose count. Throw in a scene where Auretta Gay goes snorkelling in just her skimpy pants and it could virtually be Carry On Zombie.
Shark vs Zombie. Sounds cool. But stupid. It sounds more like an idea from Sharktopus and the Living Dead. And yet it is one of the most stunning scenes in the whole of the zombie genre. (It looks really good on Blu-ray.) The way that the zombie's hair moves in the water as he backs off preparing for the shark's attack is... beautiful. Strange, but I can't think of a better word. If this was done now, the shark would obviously be CGI and would look rubbish. Fulci didn't have access to CGI so he just filmed a real shark with its trainer, who just so happened to be in a zombie costume. This is one of those scenes that I could happily watch whenever.
Another scene that I could watch whenever is the iconic splinter in the eyeball. For years, I'd only seen this in a heavily cut version. Then another version came out where you actually saw the eyeball pierced. Finally, common sense prevailed and we all got the chance to look at a piece of splintered wood being rammed into someone's eye. Okay, the special effect head doesn't exactly look perfect but when that final bit of eyeball gets pushed out at the end I can't help wincing.
Fulci's zombie films rely on their atmosphere and he created it here by having sand blowing around everywhere on the island. It almost replaces fog as my favourite atmosphere generator. A shot in the final act of the film where zombie shamble out of the trees in glorious widescreen is again... beautiful. I would hold up this shot in a court of law as evidence for the case against running zombies.
The acting perfectly fits the tone of the film. Ian McCulloch looks like he's having a right laugh and makes a likeable lead. His face when he views four zombies eating a buffet is an absolute picture. Tisa Farrow seems to be there in body but not necessarily in spirit, although this doesn't seem out of place with all of the shocks she has to endure. It would have been interesting if Catriona MacColl had played the lead though...
For me this film has the perfect zombie effects. I don't know about you but if I was faced by an overly-designed and overly-professional zombie, as is often seen now in big-budget zombie-a-thons, I might be a tad nervous. Put one of the dirty, crusty maggot-ridden zombies from this film in front of me and I might need to change my Tena Gentleman. They look so... dead. Great stuff.
Out of Fulci's four top zombie films this has to be the comedy. It really is quite a light-hearted affair. The only thing that I really think it misses is another standout gore scene in the final third. All in all though, this is a film that is way better than its title would lead you to believe. 8/10 evlkeith
If you like this you could also try: Zombie Holocaust, City of the Living Dead, The Beyond, The House by the Cemetery.
Martin (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is busy studying for his law degree. To make ends meet he gets himself a nice little job as a night watchman in a morgue. Bar work may be a bit more lively, but each to their own. His brief training consists of the old night watchman showing him the ropes. He has to visit each room and take a key, that is chained to the wall, and insert it into his little machine to prove that he has done the rounds. To get to the key in the morgue, he has to walk past rows of cadavers. Bar work still seems like the better option to me, but let's give it a chance. Finally he is shown a large red light in his office. This is the emergency alarm. Above each bed in the morgue is a pull cord. If one of the bodies just so happens to wake up, the startled person can pull the cord, and the red light starts to pulse, accompanied by a loud siren. Er, no... don't think this job suits, it's the Lamb and Flag for me.
I don't normally give much of a plot synopsis because I think films are better when you go into them cold. But here, the set-up is so mind-numbingly scary I had to share it. And the film lives up to its premise. It is really terrifying. On the first viewing. Repeated viewings lessen the impact dramatically so savour the first time if you do decide to give it a whirl.
Initially it seems as though it's going to fall foul of having very irritating main characters. Martin and his mate Jens dare each other to do stupid challenges (one particular challenge involving a prostitute). These stunts generally involve harming their relationships with their girlfriends. Not very endearing. But it's a testament to how the director has handled the actors' natural abilities that they come across as real people, who despite their faults are actually quite likeable. When they are in danger, you care about them, rather than wanting them to die. This makes Nightwatch pretty tense stuff.
Nightwatch was remade in 1997 by the same director, but starring Ewan McGregor and Patricia Arquette. I've never seen it but I haven't heard good things about it. A large part of the atmosphere is due to it being set in a different country and also, some of the references would be very out of place. For example, a story is told about Hans Christian Andersen as the characters look at a statue of him that I can't see happening in the American version. (The story confirms what I thought of Hans Christian Andersen based on that most important historical document, the 1952 musical.)
Nightwatch is well acted, well made and well scary. It would probably get a nine out of ten for the first viewing, but taking repeat viewings into account... 7/10 evlkeith
If you like this you could also try: The Chaser, Switchblade Romance, Shuttle.
