Review - Martyrs (2008 - Dir. Pascal Laugier)

Martyrs is not exactly a laugh a minute. The film crosses my personal line for when horror stops being enjoyable and starts to become a little worrying. There is none of the humour present in the likes of Frontiers to balance things up and the film becomes a war of attrition to keep viewing in the second half.

Martyrs is definitely a game of two halves. In the first half two past victims of abuse turn up at  their abusers' house to exact revenge. There's lots of shooting, violence, dirt and blood, all filmed in a single house, giving the whole film a sense of cheap convenience. None of the first half is particularly enjoyable.

I'd stop the film bang on the half way point and take some half time refreshment as this will be the most enjoyable part of the film for you. Have a cup of Bovril, a cereal bar, a balti-pie, read the back of the DVD and brace yourself for the second half.

The second half is particularly uncomfortable viewing with plenty of torture, abuse, hair cutting and degradation. The main problem is that all this nastiness goes on and on and on. Until we finally get to the plot, which surprisingly helps you to make sense of all the unpleasantness, but not in an especially good way.

After watching this and Frontiers, I've got to say I've got significant concerns about France. The only positives are that none of the actors look like they're acting and the 'cheapness' factor tended to disappear in the second half. I can't wait for the Hollywood remake that is apparently on the agenda!

1/10
Doccortex

If you like this you could also try:
Frontiers, Switchblade Romance, Inside.

Review - Essential Killing (2010 - Dir. Jerzy Skolimowkski)

In a similar (ish) vein to The Artist, Essential Killing is a silent film. Well, virtually. It just seems to be missing a little fellow in a penguin suit playing his organ on a little podium as accompaniment. It would certainly help, as it needs a bit of livening up.


Vincent Gallo plays a... well, you never quite know what. Is he an insurgent, blowing up Americans left, right and centre with a rocket launcher or has be been caught in a situation just by accident. He could be a pork butcher from Grimsby for all we know. The director never lets you in on the secret. Regardless, the American army bang him in a Guantanamo Bay style camp and take him for a spot of water-boarding. Bless 'em. They don't go the whole hog and take him to Skegvegas though. In true Fugitive style, he escapes and legs it into a snowy forest. The rest of the story then concerns his hardships and exploits.

As hunger sets in, he pretty much does anything to survive. Even when he gets up to some fairly unpleasant malarkey with a woman breastfeeding her baby, you're still not sure what kind of a character he is: a desperate man willing to ignore his morals to stave off his life-threatening hunger or just a pervert. Like Lupin.

In an interview, the likeable director talks about how he didn't want to make a political film. And he hasn't. It's just a bit dull. You never fully engage with Gallo's character or care what happens to him. His morally ambiguous nature makes him distinctly unappealing. Some politics may have made for a more interesting film; make the character an insurgent and then attempt to get the viewer to care for him. Mmm, challenging stuff.

As it stands, it's not the best example of a silent film; there's not enough visual interest or emotional impact. A shame, seeing as though the director is such a pleasant little fellow.
3/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Rabbit-Proof Fence, Papillon, The Fugitive.

Review - The Sky Crawlers (2008 - Dir.Mamoru Oshii)

Not to be confused with the more specialist title The Kerb Crawlers, The Sky Crawlers is a traditional anime/CGI mutated hybrid type thing. Where this worked really well in Summer Wars and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, due to the separation of the disparate worlds the animation depicted, it doesn't work so well here. In fact it is seriously jarring when the film leaps from a quiet hand-drawn scene to a full-on sky battle with fully rendered planes and landscape. It could have gone down the Vexille route of the whole shebang being CGI but The Sky Crawlers ends up as a mish-mash of styles that doesn't suit the tone of the story.

That's my rant out of the way. What's the pesky thing about then? Yuichi is an ace fighter pilot talking part in a staged war. But he's a child. And he'll never grow up. But not in a sugary-candy-floss-sick (try it, it's a right laugh) Peter Pan kind of way. He is one of a strange subset of humanity called Kildren, destined to stay young forever and fight in wars just for a laugh.

The majority of the film is a mystery, centred on the mysterious death (?) of the last pilot to fly Yuichi's plane. Clues are drip fed to the viewer slowly. This is mildly engaging, but if your telly suddenly exploded you wouldn't be too bothered about finding out what happened to the missing pilot. The Sky Crawlers doesn't shy away from asking some tricky questions that I'm not sure I know the answers to. Maybe I can't be bothered to think, or (more likely) I'm too much of a thick northerner to work out the possible ramifications of their philosophical musings.

If the smoking product manufacturing industry ever wanted a cracking advert, they couldn't do better than The Sky Crawlers. The characters are so desperate to have a quality smoke all the time, it's like the scenes surrounding football grounds around the country at chucking out time (or in the toilets during the game).

I vaguely enjoyed this quiet film (in both meanings of the word - vast swathes are musicless). Don't expect Appleseed: Ex Machina and you'll be okay.
5/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Vexille, Appleseed: Ex Machina, Summer Wars, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time.

Intermission - Dinner Party Tips Part 2

People are always coming up to me down the local bingo hall and saying, "evlkeith, you hold all these swanky, sophisticated dinner parties for your many friends, can you give me some advice? I'm serving some fancy bread (I may even go down the highly decadent Kingsmill route) and I want to know what sort of cold fat to spread on it. Please, please can you help?"


You have many options. Let's go through them:

• Lard. Cheap and cheerful but it does tend to clag up your throat as it goes down. Only use lard if you're really desperate.

• Trex. Not bad and it's a lot lower in fat than butter. But who wants low fat when you're supposed to be enjoying yourself? No-one. Next option.

• I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Because I Have No Taste Buds Due To Drinking A Bottle Of Hydrochloric Acid. Enough said.

• Olive oil. Come off it. There's fancy and there's just showing off. You can't even spread it. Next.

• Let's face facts, there's only one real option. It has to be the King of cold fats: Lurpak. Once you've tasted it you'll recoil in horror at the mere mention of using a substitute cold fat. Give your guests Lurpak and they will be talking about your dinner party prowess for years to come. Go on, give it a try, you won't be disappointed.

evlkeith

Review - Crying Freeman (1995 - Dir. Christophe Gans)

Mark Dacascos (Drive) directed by Christophe Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf, Silent Hill). If that doesn't make you want to watch Crying Freeman, I don't know what will. Christophe Gans previously directed a section of the horror anthology Necronomicon, but this is his first full length film and it is a lot better than you would expect for a low budget, manga/anime to live-action conversion.

The legendary Mark Dacascos, plays the titular Crying Freeman, Yo, the sole assassin of a shady group called 'The Sons of the Dragon'. Inducted into his role without his consent, he turns out to be a natural killer and the myth of his invincibility grows around him. Dacascos does get to partake in quite a bit of killing during the course of the film. He moves with such deadly intent, closing in for the kill, that I could readily believe he is an assassin in real life. Possibly. Give him a gun, and it's like watching a top games player attain a perfect score on a level. He seems to know where every one of his assailants is coming from and there is no hesitation, and no mistakes, as he dispatches each one. 

What does Christophe Gans bring to the proceedings then? There are some stunning images that you just wouldn't expect from a film of its type (and budget). The masked Freeman leaping through the air in slow motion, shooting some ne'er do wells mid-air whilst cars explode in the background is probably the highlight. Brilliant. There is also a really cool shot of a de-shirted Freeman, showing off his massive dragon tattoo, stood in front of a huge statue, as he readies his sword. You can see that Gans has a love for films like this. At times it plays like a straight Yakuza film and at others it is more akin to Hong Kong fantasies, such as, Heroic Trio. The whole film is played straight and the serious tone is ably assisted by the excellent score from Patrick O'Hearn.

Not satisfied with being an action film with a smidgen of fantasy spice, it's also a love film. Emu O'Hara (Julie Condra - Mark Dacascos' real-life wife, they met on this film) witnesses The Freeman on one of his killing jaunts and so, he is sent to kill her. Interestingly, she actually wants him to kill her. You find out why through some narration. Normally, narration can be shocking - see the original cut of Dark City as a prime example of narration spoiling a film by severely dumbing it down - but in this it embellishes the story in a way that you couldn't otherwise know or work out. 


Many other familiar faces crop up in Crying Freeman: Masaya Kato (Drive), Rae Dawn Chong (Commando), Mako (Conan The Destroyer) and Tcheky Karyo (The Core - one of my guilty pleasures), so you know you're in safe hands. All in all, a good film that I keep coming back to. I just wish it was in widescreen. It feels like it should be. Maybe when it comes out on Blu-ray (yeah, right).


And yes, I did notice that our heroine is called Emu, pronounced 'ee-moo'. It's not as if she goes around attacking Michael Parkinson, so don't get your hopes up.
8/10
evlkeith




If you like this you could also try:
Brotherhood of the Wolf, Drive, Hard Boiled, The Killer.

The film's not in Spanish. I just couldn't resist this trailer.

Review - Timecrimes (2007 - Dir. Nacho Vigalondo)

The DVD cover looks really cheap, creepy and disturbing with a red image of a bandaged man holding a pair of scissors in menacing fashion. Timecrimes however, is a perfect example of why not to judge a book by its cover, as it is cleverer and more subtle than most low budget, Spanish sci-fi extravaganzas.

All the fun starts when our hero Hector (Karra Elejalde) spots a naked lady on a hill behind his new country house and salivates up the hill to investigate. From that point onwards Hector is thrown into a world of time travel fuelled mayhem involving bandages, scissors, time travel baths, golf buggies and nondescript Spanish actors. Bizarrely, it all works brilliantly in a Groundhog Day meets The Sleeper meets Eldorado (the soap opera) kind of way.

Hector is the star of the show with a loveable, middle-aged mix of paunch, bald head and sweatiness. Questions need to be asked however, about his treatment of the hairdresser on the hill, where for some reason he descends into Lupin the Third territory. Surely he could just make her wave and shout help? Maybe he would have stayed in his deckchair if that was the case.   

The film does make you think, but not too hard. It's definitely clever, well scripted and a fun experience. If you like down to earth, achievable time travel shenanigans on a budget then this will prove an ideal experience.

8/10

Doccortex

If you like this you could also try:
Cube, Triangle, Open Your Eyes.