I'd already seen this film a few years back and at the time, I was expecting lovely lady vampires savagely attacking some poor unsuspecting blokes and then nipping back to their flat for a bit of heavy lady petting. Which you do kind of get, in a tame, dull way. This film is so boring it was a major feat of willpower not to fall asleep during it, made worse by the fact that it started at about one o'clock, after a tiring day's work.
The main problem with it is the sheer lack of any real horror, or any real saucy business. Seeing as though this is how it sells itself, it really disappoints. There is a small amount of bloodletting, but zero gore. There is a smattering of sauce, but again it is decidedly lacklustre. It's not on a par with the useless scenes from the dire Bare Behind Bars though.
The second problem is that the film is in a tedium loop. The lady vampyres get picked up as hitchhikers. Then they get the fellow tanked with some choice vintage. Next they wriggle. Finally, they attack and drink his blood, killing the unlucky chap or leaving him alive as a tasty snack for another night. Then repeat. This structure could have worked if each repetition had got progressively more extreme. It does, to a certain degree, but even at it's most horrific/saucy it still fails to even reach Saw levels of disturbingness, i.e. Blue Peter is more harrowing.
The only things to recommend it are some atmospheric shots of the mist wreathed house and Anulka, who plays one of the vampyres, is not too bad on the eyes. She looks way better here than when she played for Chelsea. And more female.
I did wonder whether going into Vampyres with lower expectations would make me appreciate other aspects of the film more and come out with a new, improved outlook on it. I didn't.2/10
evlkeith
If you like this you could also try:
Requiem For A Vampire, Fascination, Suspiria.
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