Here we go then with David Warbeck's effort in his first round replay against Radha Mitchell. The title didn't really inspire me but I thought that Rat Man may contain some entertainment value in terms of sheer stupidity. Added to that it was written by Dardano Sacchetti so it could feasibly be okay.
Rat Man just cements my feeling that Dardano Sacchetti and Lucio Fulci did their best work together. Apart, well this is the kind of abomination we get. (Fulci can't claim to have done any better on his own, see Zombie Flesh Eaters 2for evidence.) At least Rat Man has some semblance of a story. Well, vaguely anyway.
A mad scientist fellow decides it would be in the best interests of society if he could cross a rat with a monkey. Amazingly enough, especially with the film's title, he succeeds. He is so pleased with himself he thinks that he may possibly get a Nobel prize. What for? For creating a creature that lives in sewers and shows its backside to passersby? Mmm, maybe. The titular Rat Man escapes from his minuscule cage and goes on a rampage of scratching. (In a bid to further increase his chances of gaining the Nobel prize the scientist gave Ratty poisonous claws. Great.) Fred Williams (David Warbeck) and Terry (another one of Fulci's chums, Janet Agren) are on a search for Terry's model sister who is busy working with a photographer. In Ratty's stomping ground. Or should that be Ratty's pattering ground?
This is a bad film. Not quite up there with the aforementioned Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, but still, it's very bad. Obviously this is an exploitation film. It has gratuitous nudity and also the use of one of the world's shortest men, Nelson De La Rosa, who later went on to work with Marlon Brando in The Island of Dr. Moreau, possibly inspiring the character of Mini-Me. He plays the title role, replete with savage looking rat teeth. But despite being an expoilationer, it's not particularly funny. In general, it's dull. It follows the pattern of a character going off on their own, then getting clawed and severely deaded. Repeat until asleep.
David Warbeck does nothing to improve the proceedings. In his defence, he doesn't get masses of screen time. We spend most of our precious time with Terry's sister, Monique and her photographer chum. It's similar to Rutger Hauer's role in Hemoglobin. Do the job. Get Paid. Go home. Forget it. It doesn't look like a phoned in performance. More like it's been texted.
Any gore? After all it's only just been released uncut by Shameless. Not really. I only watched it yesterday and I can't remember anything that should have troubled the censors.
It's not really a disappointing film because I wasn't expecting that much. But due to the lack of fun I found it a completely tiring experience. I can't see Warbeck recovering from this. It seems as though he's just given Mitchell a free pass to the next round. 2/10 evlkeith If you like this you could also try: Pieces, Willard.
The first match in our FA Cup of Actors kicks off with a cheeky back heel from David Warbeck in the form of The Ark of the Sun God. But will it be enough to quash Radha Mitchell's attempts at winning the trophy in its very first year?
It starts off pretty well with wise-cracking thief Rick Spear (Warbeck) walking in the footsteps of the Milk Tray man, lurking in shadows and sneaking into a building. He even gets to use a zip wire in his burgling antics. Action packed stuff with a little twist at the end of this first act. Quite cheap and cheerful but entertaining nonetheless.
Then things take a turn for the worst. There's about forty or fifty minutes of characters getting abducted, then found again, then abducted, then found etc. It all gets a bit tiresome and the story goes absolutely nowhere. Finally it gets moving again with a quest to find a sceptre that belonged to the god Gilgamesh. Mmm, a quest for a religious artefact... you're probably thinking exactly the same as me: I wonder when Raiders of the Lost Ark came out. It was 1981, and yep, this is an Italian homage/cash-in directed by Antonio Margheriti of Cannibal Apocaplyse fame.
Compared to Raiders, this comes off really badly. As mentioned previously, it takes an age for Rick to actually pack his bags and get going on his journey. And when he does it's a very short trip: nip in a helicopter, fly a bit, have a little walk and he's there. Seeing as though it's an adventure film there's precious little adventuring.
The villains are pretty low quality ineffectual buffoons too. Their leader is not much better. No subtlety here. Just plenty of ranting and shouting. I don't think Belloq has got anything to worry about.
But it's got David Warbeck in it so it can't be all bad. Funnily enough, he's the best thing about this lacklustre adventure fest. For starters, he tells his lady friend that he's off out to do "man's work". And when he returns from his mission at about 7 o'clock in the morning, he's just in time for a bit of nookie. What a guy. Adding to his manliness is his propensity to wear beautiful clothes along the lines of an eighties style jacket with sky blue trousers. And not content with that, his favourite drink is Bacardi with milk and lots of crushed ice. What kind of sick deviant would like that?!? (Doccortex, the milk pervert, probably would.)
And that's not the end of things that are actually quite good in this film. John Steiner (Tenebrae) appears as a posh English wheelchair bound millionaire type who is willing to fund Rick's adventure. It's a treat to see him in action as usual. Plus he's got a camp butler called Rupert who's "rather good at tying people up". Yeah, I bet he is.
Although it's not a total own goal extravaganza, it's not the best of starts for David Warbeck and I can sense that Radha Mitchell isn't exactly quaking in her boots based on this performance. But it all depends on her randomly selected film, there may still be a late minute winner from Warbeck... 3/10 evlkeith If you like this you could also try: Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Treasure Hunter, Armour of God, Operation Condor.
