Review - Alien vs. Ninja (2010 - Dir. Seiji Chiba)

You may be intensely sceptical when I tell you that this is quite a good film despite being very low of budget and mainly set in a forest. I would be too, especially since it suffers from the same syndrome as the recently reviewed Almost Human. As soon as the first few seconds were over I knew that it could only get 7/10 tops due to its low quality camerawork and acting. Whereas Almost Human took itself far too seriously and was far too dull, Alien vs. Ninja is creative and fun.

Yamata, Jinnai and Nezumi are a merry band of ninjas. When a strange meteor crashes into the ground they decide to investigate. They team up with some more ninjas led by the lovely Rin (who possesses - at least according to her ninja armour - extremely well separated lady lumps). The meteor contains an alien that causes havok and scatters body parts left, right and centre. It's a tad more brutal than the aliens that we know and love. And a tad more stupid.

Aliens had the Queen alien. Alien 3 had the dog alien. And Alien vs. Ninjas has the demented dolphin alien. If you need any proof that this film is having a laugh, have a look at the creature design below:

I almost immediately warmed to this film. It took me a few minutes to put my finger on what it was about it that I liked. Then it came to me: it feels like anime. If you imagine all the characters being hand drawn then everything falls into place. It's like Naruto with a Flipper inspired alien ripping everyone to shreds. The humour is very similar to Naruto but again with a darker edge. 

In some films I moan about low quality effects (both practical and CGI) but here they are a positive. The alien bounces around like it's had a cocktail of smarties, speed and moonshine. Whereas Ridley Scott tried to disguise the 'bloke in a suit' aspect of his alien, here the rubber suit is often seen in all its glory and they couldn't care less. Power Rangers has better costumes. But it all adds to the charm. At one point a character has their eye pecked out by a crow. The crow is brought to life by the complicated method of someone holding an inanimate model crow and repeatedly pecking around the actor's eye area. It made me laugh rather a lot.

There are a few scenes of exposition where things slow slightly, but in general, it rattles along at a fair pace. For a 15 rated film it is surprisingly graphic. Probably because of the stupid tone it gets away with it easily. The gore flies around readily and the sword fights are surprisingly good too. With a running time of 80 minutes it doesn't outstay its welcome. Plus it finishes with a suitable action film climax, involving a battle, a TJ Hooker moment where the lead characters walk away arm in arm laughing, and the obligatory final twist that sets up a sequel.

This only cost me £1.33. Given the title, I didn't have high hopes. I really enjoyed it though - apart from the back stories in the middle - and would recommend it to anyone who can bear to watch a film with that stupid a title. 
6/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Naruto, Split Second, Ninja Scroll.

Review - Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981 - Dir. Andrea Bianchi)

Only at obscurendure would you find a Mamma Mia review next to this zombie comedy classic.

I don't know whether the director intended all of the humour but I haven't laughed so much at a film in ages. I'll describe a scene. A man and a woman are having a chat in the background, when up pops - literally pops up - their son who is one of the strangest looking fellows. He has an old man's head on a young body. Plus he wears a polo neck and nicely high belted trousers. And he's as camp as you like. But what's he up to? He's sniffing a bit of old sack, the kind used in children's Sports Days. He looks perplexed. So he camps over to his mum and dad and says, as any child would, 'Mummy, this cloth smells of death.'.

Another quality quote is when one of our lady characters has found some saucy lingerie in the room where she is staying with her partner. So she tries it on and parades around for him. She enquires about what her partner thinks of the cheeky outfit. With a leer he says, 'You look just like a little whore.' Now, there's a chat up line I can't wait to try on all the ladies.

There is yet more comedy to be had: the zombies can climb, use circular saws and can even team up to use a battering ram. When there is an obligatory scene of a zombie rising from the grave it appears that just a few pieces of turf have been laid over him and then the zombified fellow merely sits up. There is also one of the most pathetic attempts at using a pitchfork in film history. The laughs continue after the film when a credit pops up for... Curtains. What kind of job is that? I bet they're really proud of their 'Curtains' credit on IMDb. What could top that? 'Cushions'? Or 'Lace Settee Arm Covers', maybe?

Not content with comedy, this film has the power to disturb on a fundamental level. The aforementioned old-head boy has a rather too friendly relationship with his mother. I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say, there is a payoff later in the film with similarities to Nightmare City and The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue. Dirty little pervert.

Do I really need to talk about the plot? Oh, okay, I'll try and sum it up. Big mansion. Frolicking. Zombies. Ooh crikey. Trapped. Escape. Trapped. Eaten. Repeat.

On the non-comedy plus side the opening music by Stelvio Cipriani (A Bay of Blood) is pretty great. But apart from that it's comedy all the way. The dubbing is standard for this type of film from this era, but it all adds to the charm. It's not the goriest of zombie films. The ending is very disappointing, promising something that it doesn't deliver, despite a cool final shot.

This is well worth watching on a Friday night after you've had a few Tizers down the local Spar. Plus you'll never be able to walk through Primarks again without sniffing some clothes and saying, 'Mummy, this cloth smells of death.' I know I can't.
7/10
evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.8)



If you like this you could also try:
Nightmare City, The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue, Zombie Creeping Flesh.

Review - Dawn of the Dead (2004 - Dir. Zack Snyder)

I saw this when it first came out at the cinema and I quite enjoyed it. As time has passed I've wondered whether some parts of it are actually better than the original. For the first time, I've watched them both back-to-back to see which has the edge. 

I was expecting it to be closer than it turned out. Fickle memory played its sneaky tricks on me again. The original is a far better film, with loads more atmosphere. That's not to say that the remake doesn't have its good points. But it also has some infuriating points too.

To illustrate: one of the initial shots is a beautiful overhead shot of our protagonist Ana (the excellent Sarah Polley) driving home but it's spoilt by the Stereophonics crooning over the top of it. It may have been relevant lyrically but surely something a little less sappy could have been found. The overhead shots are one of the defining features of the film for me, they were the shots I remembered the most when I left the cinema, a great way to show the chaos spreading through the suburbs.

Ana soon meets up with a group of zombie-avoiding buddies. Jake Weber, as Michael, is obviously the love interest and is pretty convincing despite some logic stretching dialogue later on (if Ving Rhames was shouting at you to tell someone to get out of a dangerous situation, I can't say that I'd be faffing about actively avoiding telling them to escape). As you might have gathered Ving Rhames is in it too as a naughty bottom cop. He's maybe a bit too well known, the original seemed so realistic because it was filled with unknowns, which is a similar problem with Mekhi Phifer. Mr Phifer is also saddled with some dubious motivations that don't ring true when he is trying to protect his wife and child.

Which brings us neatly to the unpleasant greenish hue that seems to permeate most of the film. It is nauseating, not horrific. The worst scenes are in an American version of Mothercare that has been painted with the most disturbing green paint they could find. (When I moved into my current house, the bedroom was decorated with a similar colour. It gave me nightmares. And made me throw up my supper of Space Raiders on numerous occasions.) To make matters worse the light they use is green too. This doesn't help to make the whole baby sub-plot engaging. In fact, if Mr Phifer and his irritating partner Luda were cut out of the film completely, it would be a better experience.

After the baby episode my least favourite part is the post-credits found footage section. To me it is completely unnecessary. Zombies have overrun the world, anywhere they go will be full of zombies, they are dead wherever they go. So the director can end the film with a supposedly up ending, as in the original, but there is always the suspicion that they will die very soon. Now when I watch the remake, I turn it off before the credits start; it's a much better ending.

I'm not normally that keen on cameos but one of the most powerful moments is an appearance by Ken Foree, preaching on the television. Scott H. Reiniger and Tom Savini also cameo but there are no appearances from David Emge or Gaylen Ross, although the latter gets her name on screen as the name of a clothes shop in a department store. I didn't see (or hear) a David Emge reference anywhere but if you know of one let me know.

From this review, it sounds like I hate the remake. And yes, it has many faults. But, I actually like it. There is an A-Team vehicle modification sequence - always guaranteed to improve any film. Plus there's an engaging subplot with a bloke called Andy in a gun shop across from the mall. The main issue is  what it's being compared to. (A similar problem exists with The Wicker Tree.) I've seen it a fair few times now and still enjoy it. This must be down to the strong relationship between the two leads and the aforementioned overhead shots that never fail to impress. Not as good as I remember, but this is definitely one of the better remakes.
6/10
evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.6)



If you like this you could also try:
Dawn of the Dead (1978), Night of the Living Dead, Day of the Dead (1985), The Horde.

Review - Before Dawn (2012 - Dominic Brunt)

To be honest, as opposed to lying through my teeth, I wasn't looking forward to this. Paddy from Emmerdale + zombies = not much fun. To add to this, I wasn't that keen on his inclusion in last year's Inbred.

But, I was pleasantly surprised and really enjoyed this.  Before Dawn came about through discussions between Dominic Brunt and his wife Joanne Mitchell, who both star. They were discussing the zombie genre and had different ideas on its merits. This film is a combination of the two schools of thought.

My favourite part of the film is the initial build up of tension as we meet Alex and Meg, played by the aforementioned real-life  couple, who are having a last ditch attempt at saving their marriage by getting away to the countryside. Meg is a really miserable character. Just as Alex tries to make suggestions for the future that he thinks she will appreciate, she shoots him down and hunts for her 'surgically attached' mobile phone to communicate with her buddies and personal trainer (who may or may not be gay, I suspect not). Although Alex has his faults he comes across as a likeable fellow who loves his wife and will do anything for her. Quite literally.

I enjoyed the drama so much, with the hint of a zombie apocalypse happening in the background, that it's almost a shame when the zombies appear. I like the 'no guns' idea to make it very British and it is funny to see Alex charging around a garage trying to find new weapons to batter a zombie. But the handheld camera work is possibly overdone in the zombie attack sequences, as is the score. I can understand why a more action based sequence was included to pep up the drama elements but for my personal taste I would have been quite happy for things to develop more slowly (I love Stephen Poliakoff's work after all). Also the ending is slightly confusing, despite a visually great shot of Alex sitting while zombies flood into the room, I wasn't 100% sure what was going on. At least it links back to the couple and their relationship.

The film is well-written, with what is not said being as important as the actual dialogue, and well-shot with gorgeous use of depth of field. The director said that he found it hard to direct and act, and he would probably concentrate on directing in the future. This is a shame on one hand because the acting in the film is pretty convincing, but positive on the other because he shows a surprising flair for directing. One scene where he has a phone conversation with his daughter is particularly effective.

Before Dawn shows that zombie films don't need to be all about the effects and don't need the hundreds of extras required to make a horde. Focussing on a relationship has definitely produced something different. 

7/10

evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:

Inbred, Harold's Going Stiff.

Review - Only the Strong (1993 - Dir Sheldon Lettich)

Capoeira porn.


That's it in a nutshell. If you're new to capoeria, it's Brazilian kung fu. Think of Eddy Gordo in Tekken. Or alternatively, think of someone doing a slinky little dance, then flailing their legs around wildly and kicking seven shades out of their opponent. That's capoeria.

The legendary Mark Dacascos plays Louis Stevens, an ex-special forces soldier, who has come back to the hood where he grew up. The teacher who put him on the straight and narrow, Mr Kerrigan (Geoffrey Lewis - Tango and Cash), has a problem. He's a teacher. And he has to teach the biggest bad bottoms in the whole of America. They spit, swear, bring knives to school and are generally unkind to small mammals (not necessarily shown in the film). Enter Louis who is going to teach them some capoeira moves and some respect.

Okay, you already know the rest of the plot already. But Only the Strong is top fun. When Dacascos starts doing his funny little capoeira dance I have to admit that I agree with the miscreants. It looks stupid. Not the coolest way to start a fight. But then when the legs start flying, it all becomes clear. Dacascos has some seriously cool moves. The fight choreography is also great; the final fight culminates in head kick after head kick. Very cool.


There has to be a villain for Dacascos to pit his skills against. He comes in the form of local drug lord Silverio, (Paco Christian Prieto) the cousin of one of Louis' students. At one point he offers money to Louis to train his men in the art of capoeira. Which is strange, seeing as though he is supposedly better than him. Wouldn't he just do it himself? Never mind. Inconsistencies are all part of the fun.

There has to be some love interest for Dacascos (as you can see, it is fairly formulaic). She comes in the form of fellow teacher Dianna (Stacey Travis - Phantasm II). She looks suspiciously like Brigitte Lahaie, the famous french porn star. Er... how do I know that slightly compromising fact? Think fast. Oh yeah! She's in Jean Rollin's Fascination. Phew.

This is definitely a film I will revisit. I think Crying Freeman is the better film, (I've maybe been harsh on that, only giving it 7/10, in fact I'm going to go and up it right this minute) but this is still cracking. Sadly, there's no region 2 release of Only the Strong yet. Someone release it sharpish. One very strange thing that this film throws up is that it was filmed nearly twenty years ago and Mark Dacascos only seems to have aged about ten years in the intervening years. Maybe all that leg flailing keeps him young. Or in my case, it just gave me a hernia and a prolapsed bowel.
7/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Crying Freeman, Drive, Brotherhood of the Wolf.

Review - Crying Freeman (1995 - Dir. Christophe Gans)

Mark Dacascos (Drive) directed by Christophe Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf, Silent Hill). If that doesn't make you want to watch Crying Freeman, I don't know what will. Christophe Gans previously directed a section of the horror anthology Necronomicon, but this is his first full length film and it is a lot better than you would expect for a low budget, manga/anime to live-action conversion.

The legendary Mark Dacascos, plays the titular Crying Freeman, Yo, the sole assassin of a shady group called 'The Sons of the Dragon'. Inducted into his role without his consent, he turns out to be a natural killer and the myth of his invincibility grows around him. Dacascos does get to partake in quite a bit of killing during the course of the film. He moves with such deadly intent, closing in for the kill, that I could readily believe he is an assassin in real life. Possibly. Give him a gun, and it's like watching a top games player attain a perfect score on a level. He seems to know where every one of his assailants is coming from and there is no hesitation, and no mistakes, as he dispatches each one. 

What does Christophe Gans bring to the proceedings then? There are some stunning images that you just wouldn't expect from a film of its type (and budget). The masked Freeman leaping through the air in slow motion, shooting some ne'er do wells mid-air whilst cars explode in the background is probably the highlight. Brilliant. There is also a really cool shot of a de-shirted Freeman, showing off his massive dragon tattoo, stood in front of a huge statue, as he readies his sword. You can see that Gans has a love for films like this. At times it plays like a straight Yakuza film and at others it is more akin to Hong Kong fantasies, such as, Heroic Trio. The whole film is played straight and the serious tone is ably assisted by the excellent score from Patrick O'Hearn.

Not satisfied with being an action film with a smidgen of fantasy spice, it's also a love film. Emu O'Hara (Julie Condra - Mark Dacascos' real-life wife, they met on this film) witnesses The Freeman on one of his killing jaunts and so, he is sent to kill her. Interestingly, she actually wants him to kill her. You find out why through some narration. Normally, narration can be shocking - see the original cut of Dark City as a prime example of narration spoiling a film by severely dumbing it down - but in this it embellishes the story in a way that you couldn't otherwise know or work out. 


Many other familiar faces crop up in Crying Freeman: Masaya Kato (Drive), Rae Dawn Chong (Commando), Mako (Conan The Destroyer) and Tcheky Karyo (The Core - one of my guilty pleasures), so you know you're in safe hands. All in all, a good film that I keep coming back to. I just wish it was in widescreen. It feels like it should be. Maybe when it comes out on Blu-ray (yeah, right).


And yes, I did notice that our heroine is called Emu, pronounced 'ee-moo'. It's not as if she goes around attacking Michael Parkinson, so don't get your hopes up.
8/10
evlkeith




If you like this you could also try:
Brotherhood of the Wolf, Drive, Hard Boiled, The Killer.

The film's not in Spanish. I just couldn't resist this trailer.

Review - Shuttle (2008 - Dir. Edward Anderson)

Bought from Poundland, I wasn't expecting much from this. But, for a pound you can't go too wrong. It looks like your typical 'Irritating teenager types get killed and our heroine is left alive at the end, all shot with super-flashy style and mega fast cuts' kind of film. 

But I was wrong. For starters, it's virtually monochrome. The editing is relatively slow and stylistically things are kept simple, keeping you firmly within the story and giving it space to breathe. This all came as a bit of a shock. There was more to come.

Shuttle opens like the aforementioned films. One of the teenagers is very irritating, but everyone else is strangely likeable. Mel (Peyton List) and Jules (Cameron Goodman) get on a shuttle bus to their homes after a holiday together. They are joined by two young guys. A nervous fellow is already on the bus and the driver (Tony Curran) seems very affable. Because it's a film, things obviously start to go pear shaped as the driver takes them on an interesting detour. And it's not to get a kebab from Mike's Kebab Shop.

Tony Curran makes a fantastic three-dimensional villain. At times, he shows a capacity for savageness and at others he seems to be resigned to what he is doing and almost tender. Never resorting to pantomime antics, he is the backbone of the film. Supporting him is Peyton List, who is a strong female heroine. Always believable in her acting (maybe not in her actions - a chance to brain the driver is inexplicably passed by - but that's the scriptwriter's fault) she is another of Shuttle's strengths.

There is one fairly obvious twist midway through, but this is soon dispensed with as we get to the disturbing ending. All the clues are in there for you to work out what is happening, so you don't feel cheated. I always like a nice bleak ending and this has a bleak ending. Not at all expected.

Give it a try, and like me, you could be pleasantly surprised.

7/10

evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:

Martyrs, Switchblade Romance, Wolf Creek.