Review - Safety Last! (1923 - Dir. Fred C. Newmeyer, Sam Taylor)

It's a silent film. It's black and white. And it's in a 4:3 ratio. It's about as ye olde fashioned as you get without it being shown on a zoetrope. And it's really rather good.

Harold Lloyd (played by the similarly monikered Harold Lloyd) is a small town kind of guy who moves to the big city to find his fortune and pay for a lovely wedding for his bride to be. Things don't go to plan and he ends up living with his buddy, "Limpy" Bill in a small flat. But he comes up with a crafty scheme to get rich quick. (I don't know why he's called "Limpy" because he doesn't have a limp.) "Limpy" is a bit nifty when it comes to climbing buildings so Harold sets it up so that he can climb up the outside of the department store where he works. Again things don't go to plan.

After a cleverly shot start things kick off with the story and some impressive physical comedy (Jackie Chan must have been influenced by some of this stuff). For example, Harold and "Limpy" pretend to be coats on a coat rack to avoid their landlady. 

The whole of the first half is setting up the reasons why Harold would be motivated to climb the building himself in the latter stages of the film. And very carefully set up it is too. As my mum always says, "Everything happens for a reason." That's certainly true here. The first half also shows how resourceful Harold can be in a variety of situations. He's constantly lurching from one scrape to another but he always manages to come good. 

There are some early visual effects that are used to further the story rather than just fluffy eye sweets. At one point Harold eyes up a gorgeous business man's lunch that's being advertised in a local restaurant. Alas he's also seen a necklace for his sweetheart. We know it's meant for her because her face appears in the centre of said piece of jewellery. Then as he puts each coin down to pay for the necklace, one item disappears from the plate of the business man's lunch. So without any words the story is conveyed in a very crafty manner.

Then we get to the second half of the film: the climb. Now I'm afraid of heights and the last half hour is pure torture for me. If torture was fun. My hands go all clammy as I watch because he's actually up at that height climbing the building. (Okay, there is a bit of trickery in there, that I won't spoil for you, but even so it looks completely terrifying.) There are so many incidents on the way up and it goes on for ages and ages. The tension never lapses. He gets attacked by pigeons accompanied by some very Psycho-like music. A mouse goes up his trouser leg and makes him do an amusing little dance on a narrow ledge. Then there's the whole malarkey based around the iconic clock face. It's amazing how many problems they wring out of one simple thing. All in all it's a cracking sequence.

If you don't feel the need to watch this yet bear in mind that there is a scene where a drunk gets netted. Well, not exactly netted by the police or another government agency, but a net does fall on him causing some entrapment.

I had to buy the definitive Harold Lloyd collection to get this. It was a good move though because every film has been pretty good so far (as long as you can put up with a fair bit of political incorrectness). Well worth tracking down. (Don't take my word for it. I took a class of 11 year olds to see Hugo and they were completely bored all the way through - as I was - apart from the clip from this very film. They were literally on the edges of their little seats.)
8/10
evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:
Girl Shy, The Cat's-Paw.

Review - C.H.U.D. (1984 - Dir. Douglas Cheek)

This is one of those film where I can remember seeing the video cover in Creepy's Video Emporium but never rented it. Maybe it was because of the poorly named sequel, C.H.U.D. II - Bud the Chud. For whatever reason it has taken me 28 years to get round to watching it. Was it worth the wait?

George Cooper (John Heard - the dad from Home Alone) is a photographer investigating the mysterious disappearances of homeless people who live in the subways and sewers; nets may or may not have been involved. Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry - Home Alone 3) is a cop, with a vested interest in the case; his wife has gone missing. He is aided by 'The Reverend' (Daniel Stern - one of the burglears from Home Alone) who runs a soup kitchen and has his own suspicions. Something is lurking in the subways. Something with claws, large snappy teeth and glowy eyes (a little known fact is that Macauley Culkin, amazingly also from Home Alone, played all of the mutants). 

I would group C.H.U.D with some other films from that period: Alligator (1980), Q: The Winged Serpent (1982) and Mutant (1984), obviously made on a low budget, but fun nonetheless. It is played relatively seriously - which always helps - by some half decent actors. There is also a 'blink for a minute or so and you'll miss it' appearance by John Goodman as a cop.

It's not the goriest of films but one scene has quite a few corpses littered over the floor and a pretty effective severed head. The monster is a bloke in a costume and looks fairly rubbery. Thankfully, it is not seen that often. One effective moment is a precursor to the head-cam scenes in Aliens. A team of cops enter the subway, followed by a cameraman. The live footage is watched by Bosch from a safe distance. You can probably guess what happens, but at the time it would have been pretty nifty, nifty enough for Jim Cameron to give his beardy little chin a stroke.

The main problem I have with C.H.U.D. is the ending. There is some quality scientifically inaccurate gas that doesn't explode when near a naked flame, a burning truck perhaps (for more non-flammable flammable gas watch The Cave). The mutants seem to get a tad forgotten in the ending too. Maybe this all paved the way for the sequel. Also there is a reporter whose acting style consists of shouting. Good for singing. Bad for films.

It's a shame that this isn't currently available as a Region 2 DVD, but the sequel is. It's surely worth releasing it given some of the rubbish that does get released. Pretty enjoyable stuff. Especially good with vodka.
5/10
evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:
Alligator, Q: The Winged Serpent, Mutant.

Review - The Garbage Pail KIds Movie (1987 - Dir. Rod Amateau)

Okay, I admit it. The only reason why I thought to review this film was because I remembered that there is a scene where a official looking fellow nets an ugly child. Now I get to use the label 'The netting of people who shouldn't really be netted in polite society' at the bottom of the review. That's it really.

Strangely, on rewatching this supposedly terrible film, I found myself slightly enjoying the whole experience. The only part of the film that I'm really uncomfortable with is Nat Nerd. He is a child who repeatedly wets himself. At one point, he wets himself on purpose. None of the other Garbage Pail Kids laugh. Nat says, "I thought it was funny." You're the only one, mate. Laughing at children with poor bladder control is not pleasant. (Whereas laughing at ugly children getting netted is? - evlkeith's conscience.) 


Dodger (Mackenzie Astin) is your standard Marty McFly-a-like who gets beaten up regulary by the local bullies led by Juice (Ron MacLachlan) - just look at that jacket and you'll see why he gets a good kicking. Dodger works in Captain Manzini's Antiques shop and one day accidentally discovers seven strange little chums in a rubbish bin. These include Ali Gator who has a penchant for eating toes, Messy Tessie who excretes slime from virtually every orifice and Windy Winston who trumps with a contented look on his face. This happens a lot.

The plot (?) concerns a fashion show by Tangerine (Katie Barberi), Dodger's dream girl. The twist is that the Garbage Pail Kids have made all the clothes and she's thieving them. She pretends to be their friend and gets them all working in sweat shop conditions, sewing thousands of sequins on to skimpy outfits. Rumour has it that Tangerine now runs Primark. Or so the bloke down the chippy told me.

In the latter stages of the film we are introduced to the State Home for the Ugly. Inside are various prison cells labelled with the reason for their occupants incarceration. Some of the labels are: 'Too fat', 'Too short', 'Too bald' and everyone's politically correct favourite - 'Too crippled'. I'm sure that I would be netted under various ugly offences.

This film is about friendship, betrayal, true beauty and various bodily fluids. Okay, it's not brilliant. It's not even good. Fine, it's not even average. Definitely not politically correct, if that's your beverage of choice. But it is vaguely entertaining in a bad sort of way. I've seen a lot worse.

2/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Crikey. Is there anything else like this? If you want films about netting people you could try Hobo With a Shotgun or The Woman.

Review - The Woman (2011 - Dir. Lucky McKee)

I know that on this very site I have written about the merits of Letter From An Unknown Woman and Waitress. You may agree that these are very pleasant films, just your cup of tea. You may even decide to look at some other films I like and give them a try too. A word of warning: don't. Not with this one anyway. I like The Woman but it is definitely not pleasant.

The Daily Mail will no doubt go lairy about the brutalization of women within the film and the women in the film are definitely brutalized. It is not misogynistic, but it is certainly about a major misogynist. You know instantly, from the subtle script and acting in his first scene, that the father character, Chris Cleek, is a right Tom and Harry sandwich filling. You just don't quite know how bad he is yet. 


In one of his shooting trips he comes across a woman bathing, dressed in rags. After much leering and peeping through the scope of his rifle he decides to net the grubby lady, take her home to his shed and 'civilize' her. The rest of the family become involved in looking after their new pet. The mother (Angela Bettis) is complicit in the depravities heaped on the woman. You can tell she's not happy with the goings-on but she is too terrified of her husband to do anything about it. His son, Brian (Zach Rand), is a chip off the old block and actively enjoys and participates in the degradation. The most sympathetic character who actually helps The Woman is the daughter, Peggy, excellently portrayed by Lauren Ashley Carter. Without her, who the director obviously wants you to identify with, the film would be harder to defend.

All of the acting is spot on: Sean Bridgers, as the dad, hits just the right tone of psychopath with a hint of black humour thrown in, Bettis is believable as a woman trapped in a dangerous relationship, Rand just oozes pure evil from every pore and then we get to The Woman (Polyanna McIntosh). It's amazing to see the transformation she makes in playing this role. She snarls and bites her way through most of the film, but you also get to see a tender side. The scene where the father feeds her brings a tear to your eye. An acting tour de force.

A mention also has to go to the excellent sound design. A shot gets fired near to The Woman's head and you experience the effects on your hearing too. Other notable highlights are a quality low distorted noise during a finger biting scene and the sound effect when the son is attacking The Woman with a pair of pincers.


If you want a film that is disturbing and depraved (very depraved), but well made with a modicum of intelligence then this could well be for you. There is some foreshadowing of events to come at the start and although there isn't a major twist, clues are spread liberally throughout, hinting at other atrocities that are occurring. Probably worth a second viewing.
8/10
evlkeith





If you like this you could also try:
May, Switchblade Romance, Martyrs.

Review - Hobo With a Shotgun (2011 - Dir. Jason Eisener)

Based on a fake trailer from Grindhouse that I can't actually remember, this follows in the same grindhouse tradition. It sets out its stall from the off with its grain-o-vision and blurred opening credits. 


Rutger Hauer is in it. It's called Hobo With a Shotgun. Either you want to watch it from that or you don't. It is a lot of fun and I did laugh at quite a few moments of blood spillage. Mr Hauer is fantastically grizzled as the titular Hobo who has a grudge to bear against the local crimelord. His relationship with prostitute Abby (Molly Dunsworth) is the backbone of the film that the gore hangs off. Literally, most of the time. One of my favourite images is a tooled up, A-team style, Abby leaping on to a prone bad fella. Who doesn't love a helmet wearing lady with a shotgun and lawnmower shield combo?


If you call a film Hobo With a Shotgun you really need to explore the effects of a shotgun on the human body. The first three kills are all shots to the stomach. Disappointing. I want to see:
1. Shot to the stomach.
2. Shot to the shoulder removing an arm with accompanying fountain of blood.
3. Head shot removing a large portion of the head, if not all.
More variety definitely needed.

It's always a shame when characters have been built up to be total nutters and then aren't that harsh. The Plague come with a reputation. Again, I wanted to see them rip into people in Braindead levels of comedy gore. But again, you get three repetitions of a hanging manouvre. I don't know whether it was budget or they just neshed it, but for this type of film they needed to push the gore.

Saying all that, any film that contains homeless people being netted can't be all bad. I am in no way advocating the netting of homeless people but it is funny in the context of the film, a bit like the scenes of weird looking children being netted in The Garbage Pail Kids. Funny. But I wouldn't do it in real life.


Well worth a watch if you like the trailer. Just don't expect The King's Speech (although that could possibly benefit from some more shotgun involvement).
7/10
evlkeith




If you like this you could also try:
Braindead, Bad Taste, Planet Terror, Zombie Flesh Eaters, Zombie Holocaust.