Review - The Plague of the Zombies (1966 - Dir. John Gilling)

André Morell. Without him this film wouldn't have been anywhere near as good. The writing is good, and surprisingly funny, but Morell (The Hound of the Baskervilles) makes it shine and carries the whole film. Eminently watchable and it is a testament to his premium acting prowess that the film takes a dip at the end when he doesn't have as much to say. He's not the best action star ever and doesn't quite pull it off. He was 57 at the time though so I'll let him off.

Sir James Forbes (Morell) and his daughter Sylvia (Diane Clare - Ice Cold in Alex) are investigating a mysterious set of deaths in a small village in Cornwall. They are tipped off by one of Sir James' top students, Dr Peter Thompson (Brook Williams). As soon as they arrive they fall foul of some hunters (evil red-jacketed fox-worriers) who are top buddies with the local squire (a suitably nefarious John Carson). Bandages, voodoo, bongo drums and plasticine dolls made by infant children all play a part in the proceedings. Mmm, looks like we've got a mystery on our hands...

You would expect the 1966 zombies to be, well, a bit useless. Some of them are, but there are some effective scenes. There is a brilliant image of Dr Pete's wife Alice, which is then followed up with some Evil Dead 2 style spade swinging. You also get the surprise appearance of Michael Myers at the end too. Bonus! Ah, no, it's just a zombie with a rather large mask on to stop him burning his face off. Never mind.

The weak link is Dr Pete. His acting is just a smidge above Mary's dad. Melodrama is not the word as he gets some rather upsetting news. I'm not sure that the laughs that ensued were that intentional. 

If Thatcher had seen this film she would probably have tried to implement the villain's scheme as a way of sacking all of the miners and getting some really cheap labour. Actually I wouldn't put it past the Cameron/Clegg duo. So don't send them a copy of this film in any way, shape or form. Okay?

7/10

evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.9)

If you liked this you could also try:
Night of the Living Dead, Quatermass and the Pit, The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959).

Feature - The Battle of the Seasons

I was thinking about our recent Musical Season and seeing as though I hate musicals I didn't think that they'd fared too badly in the ratings stakes. But, I wondered, how did that season compare to all of the others we've done? Lists. Statistics. League table. I felt a feature coming on.

I've averaged out the ratings for each season and slapped them all into a league table so we call all see whether Mark Dacascos films would beat Gritty films in a fist fight. Then in any upcoming seasons I will post the average score so far on each review (I'll go back and do the Year of the Dead reviews so we can see just how those undead shamblers are doing).

Let's crack on then and see how they've done in a traditional reverse order style:

8. The Musical Season = 3.2

7. The Sword and Sorcery Season = 4.4

6. The 80s Prison Season = 4.6

5. The Gritty Season = 6.4

4. The Buddy Movie Season = 7

3. The Mark Dacascos Season = 7 

2. The Christmas Season = 7.3

1. The Fog Season = 8

(The Mark Dacascos Season is placed above The Buddy Movie Season due to it having five films in it compare to The Buddy's three.)

So there you have it. If you want a great little mini-film festival in your own house, go for fog related films. If you want psychological trauma go for the musicals. And how are the flesh munchers getting on? Well, at the minute their average is 5.8, which puts them in a lowly sixth position. But there are still some big hitters to come...

evlkeith

Review - Ong-bak: The Beginning (2008 - Dir. Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai)

I enjoyed the original Ong-bak and so I was looking forward to a bit more elbow on head action. But problems started before I even started watching it. It's a prequel. Has there ever been a good prequel? I can't think of any. I'm never very interested in what happened before, I want to know what happens next. And weren't the Clone Wars far more enticing and interesting when they hadn't been explained. So, prequels - bad.

Next up are flashbacks that give us loads of really interesting backstory. Ong-bak 2 has some really dull examples of this. The worst episode of Farscape is the Scorpius backstory episode. Evil characters lose some of their power when all is revealed about their difficult pasts that go some way to explaining their evilness. It would be better if they were a right rum lad as a child, shooting daddy long legs with a ruler and rubber band combo, and other stuff like that. So again, flashbacks - bad.

I'm already up to the third paragraph and I haven't exactly said that much about the film. And therein lies the main problem. I only watched it last night and I can't really remember anything about it. Apart from a pretty cool elephant scene. But that comes very early on. There just isn't anything memorable or special about it, even in a really bad way.

The fights in the original were great but in this, they're dull. There is a fight where Tien (Tony Jaa), a warrior out for revenge (that's all you need to know storywise), has to take on three opponents one after the other. Imagine the scene: judges sit in a line in the background to assess his abilities, the camera looks straight at them with the combatants slugging it out in the middle, and tracks in a parallel motion to the action. Yep, it looks exactly like a 2D fighting game. Except without the fireballs. Maybe someone who knows all of the intricacies of the different fighting styles would enjoy all this malarkey, but after the exciting fight sequences of the first film this all feels distinctly lacklustre. There's no jumping through rolls of razor wire in this.

I really can't think what else to write apart from the ending is a bit of a disappointment too. I've got the third film in my pile of things to watch and it looks as though it carries on where this film left off. Can't say I'm that enamoured with the idea. If you haven't seen Ong-bak it's probably a good idea to watch that. If you have seen, it's probably a good idea to watch it again rather than this.
2/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Ong-bak, Police Story 1-3, Only the Strong.

Review - Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981 - Dir. Andrea Bianchi)

Only at obscurendure would you find a Mamma Mia review next to this zombie comedy classic.

I don't know whether the director intended all of the humour but I haven't laughed so much at a film in ages. I'll describe a scene. A man and a woman are having a chat in the background, when up pops - literally pops up - their son who is one of the strangest looking fellows. He has an old man's head on a young body. Plus he wears a polo neck and nicely high belted trousers. And he's as camp as you like. But what's he up to? He's sniffing a bit of old sack, the kind used in children's Sports Days. He looks perplexed. So he camps over to his mum and dad and says, as any child would, 'Mummy, this cloth smells of death.'.

Another quality quote is when one of our lady characters has found some saucy lingerie in the room where she is staying with her partner. So she tries it on and parades around for him. She enquires about what her partner thinks of the cheeky outfit. With a leer he says, 'You look just like a little whore.' Now, there's a chat up line I can't wait to try on all the ladies.

There is yet more comedy to be had: the zombies can climb, use circular saws and can even team up to use a battering ram. When there is an obligatory scene of a zombie rising from the grave it appears that just a few pieces of turf have been laid over him and then the zombified fellow merely sits up. There is also one of the most pathetic attempts at using a pitchfork in film history. The laughs continue after the film when a credit pops up for... Curtains. What kind of job is that? I bet they're really proud of their 'Curtains' credit on IMDb. What could top that? 'Cushions'? Or 'Lace Settee Arm Covers', maybe?

Not content with comedy, this film has the power to disturb on a fundamental level. The aforementioned old-head boy has a rather too friendly relationship with his mother. I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say, there is a payoff later in the film with similarities to Nightmare City and The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue. Dirty little pervert.

Do I really need to talk about the plot? Oh, okay, I'll try and sum it up. Big mansion. Frolicking. Zombies. Ooh crikey. Trapped. Escape. Trapped. Eaten. Repeat.

On the non-comedy plus side the opening music by Stelvio Cipriani (A Bay of Blood) is pretty great. But apart from that it's comedy all the way. The dubbing is standard for this type of film from this era, but it all adds to the charm. It's not the goriest of zombie films. The ending is very disappointing, promising something that it doesn't deliver, despite a cool final shot.

This is well worth watching on a Friday night after you've had a few Tizers down the local Spar. Plus you'll never be able to walk through Primarks again without sniffing some clothes and saying, 'Mummy, this cloth smells of death.' I know I can't.
7/10
evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.8)



If you like this you could also try:
Nightmare City, The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue, Zombie Creeping Flesh.

Review - Mamma Mia (2008 - Dir. Phyllida Lloyd)

I hate musicals. I hate Abba. Being a total masochist I've decided to review Mamma Mia for you, dear reader. I've decided to do something a little bit different with this review because of the slightly non-obscure nature of the film. I wrote the review as I watched the film, in timeline form (admittedly some of the timings may be slightly off due to extreme shock) so that you have to experience the whole thing along with me. Because of the family nature of this site, be aware that many words have been omitted from the review. Liberally sprinkle my words with blasphemy and harsh swearing and you're closer to the reality. So strap yourselves in, assume the crash position and prepare yourself for a bumpy ride. 

0:54 Already into an Abba song. Nightmare. Let's check how long this abomination lasts... 1 hour and 42 minutes!!! They're having a laugh. 

2:16 Firth. This is not looking good.

2:56 Some girls are hugging each other in what can only be described as fake girliness whilst screaming, "OH MY GOD!" at each other.

4:12 Dire acting with yet more fake girliness. This film is aimed at six year old girls.

4:45 Who actually likes this? The singing and the backing vocals and the dancing are all choreographed. Just how do they know these routines?

6:16 Yet more fake girliness. Does it ever end?

6:18 Streep.

7:09 Fake English swearing from Firth.

7:19 More "OH MY GOD!"ing.

10:12 Some young posh lad has just walked in with a cowboy hat and cigar and did a comedy shimmy. Die.

11:20 Why is everyone so fake and hamming it up? And now we get some fake girliness with some pensioners.

12:34 Why can't they just act properly?

14:30 This set looks so fake.

15:35 A really embarrassing misunderstanding about the new fangled internet by Streep.

16:28 Streep is singing. Someone make her stop now.

17:26 Now a load of extras are joining in with a hearty, "HA".

18:24 Streep is doing a Titanic. What possible enjoyment value is there in this for anyone?

19:33 Bad thong gag about flossing that was old when cavemen wore fur thongs.

20:50 They all look really badly green screened onto a comedy island background. Eldorado had higher production values than this.

22:50 Firth being really posh and representative of about 0.1% of the UK.

24:40 Firth being really posh again. I need a cup of tea.

25:01 Avatar was bad and would get 0/10, but this in a completely different league of film torture. Can I go into negative numbers on the rating for once?

25:20 Streep's singing again. People above fifty should be banned from singing in public.

26:40 Now she's clawing at the air like she's overdosed on over-acting pills.

27:25 Ooh. Comedy fall. Genius.

28:50 Is that oh-so-subtle camera move suggesting that Streep and Brosnan are going to get together at the end of the film?

29:50 Now Walters is singing. Why do they have to sing?

32:20 I hate Abba. When I invent my time machine, I'm going to nip back and imprison them in separate isolation booths, all on different continents. They can be fed hummus and liver piping for the rest of their miserable lives.

35:09 Walters is waggling her backside - another activity that should be banned for the over 50s.

36:10 Streep's doing a jumpy splits thing. Banned.

36:50 Comedy gold.

37:21 I can't believe there's another hour of this. Kill me now.

38:25 Streep + Air Guitar = Banned.

38:45 My heart is racing. I'm getting properly stressed.

39:40 Firth's got a guitar. Please no. Don't let him sing.

40:07 Oh come off it. This has gone way beyond the pathetic joke it started out as.

40:35 What the hell is Brosnan singing for? He peaked with Goldeneye on the N64 (and he wasn't too bad in the Bond films) but now... What was he thinking? How to lose all self respect in one easy step.

41:15 This young lad is really irritating. Please die.

44:20 Beethoven has got more going for it. At least that had a dog in it.
45:20 I'm speechless. There are men in Speedos and flippers. Dancing.

46:37 Abba should be ashamed for giving birth to this monstrosity.

47:20 I don't think I can cope with the rest of this.

48:33 All of these actors are busy counting their money in their heads and laughing at everyone who bought this (luckily, I nicked my copy).

49:50 Where's Andy Bell when you need him?

50:47 "Someone up there has got it in for me." Exactly how I feel Streep.

54:00 Just do a DNA test and stop singing!

54:47 This is endless torture.

55:06 Now we're into Alan Partridge territory.

56:00 Dancers. I can't really comment on dancers without writing something massively offensive that would result in my incarceration.

57:56 More comedy gold from Walters.

1:00:25 I'm getting concerned that my will to live has been secreted away in some secret location that I will never locate for the rest of my sorry life. I need vodka.

1:03:21 Brosnan, please, no more. I submit.

1:05:23 Nobody who worked on this film should be allowed to work ever again.

1:06:00 This really bad actor is going to be a dancer, isn't he?

1:07:35 Dancers over-acting. Well I never.

1:08:28 Oh aye, here he goes. Filthy little dancer.

1:10:05 It's not even well directed. We're in true soap style here. Over the shoulder shot of her. Over the shoulder shot of him. Repeat ad deatheum.

1:12:17 The songs never stop. 

1:12:48 I honestly feel ill. Properly physically ill.

1:14:25 The plot would only take up about five minutes of a normal film. But oh no. Let's shoehorn in 17 million Abba songs.

1:20:04 Has anyone got a tub of aspirin?

1:20:10 Or a razor blade?

1:20:40 Failing that, a blunt rusty butter knife?

1:27:28 So yeah, that one clumsy camera move earlier on did give away the whole minuscule plot. Why did they bother?

1:29:56 A sides weren't enough. They've had to delve into B sides too.

1:33:15 Now Brosnan's got his shirt off. Streep, keep yours on. And you Walters.

1:35:15 Yes!!! It's finished!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Now let me just go and chuck up, give my brain a scrub with Vim and maybe I'll only suffer severe nightmares for the next 37 years.

1:37:42 NO! THERE'S MORE! 

1:37:43 I bet some people misguidedly think that it's great and empowering for all these pensioners to be dancing, singing and enjoying themselves. No it's not. It's embarrassing and sad and probably an indicator of dementia starting to kick in. Nobody should find enjoyment in that.

I thought that Mamma Mia would be bad but I never realised quite how bad it could be. I feel dirty. I feel violated. This kind of filth should be on the Nasties List. At least that's the end of The Musical Season. Anything's got to be better than this. Sleep well. I won't.
0/10
evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:
Taking brain medicine.

Review - Dawn of the Dead (2004 - Dir. Zack Snyder)

I saw this when it first came out at the cinema and I quite enjoyed it. As time has passed I've wondered whether some parts of it are actually better than the original. For the first time, I've watched them both back-to-back to see which has the edge. 

I was expecting it to be closer than it turned out. Fickle memory played its sneaky tricks on me again. The original is a far better film, with loads more atmosphere. That's not to say that the remake doesn't have its good points. But it also has some infuriating points too.

To illustrate: one of the initial shots is a beautiful overhead shot of our protagonist Ana (the excellent Sarah Polley) driving home but it's spoilt by the Stereophonics crooning over the top of it. It may have been relevant lyrically but surely something a little less sappy could have been found. The overhead shots are one of the defining features of the film for me, they were the shots I remembered the most when I left the cinema, a great way to show the chaos spreading through the suburbs.

Ana soon meets up with a group of zombie-avoiding buddies. Jake Weber, as Michael, is obviously the love interest and is pretty convincing despite some logic stretching dialogue later on (if Ving Rhames was shouting at you to tell someone to get out of a dangerous situation, I can't say that I'd be faffing about actively avoiding telling them to escape). As you might have gathered Ving Rhames is in it too as a naughty bottom cop. He's maybe a bit too well known, the original seemed so realistic because it was filled with unknowns, which is a similar problem with Mekhi Phifer. Mr Phifer is also saddled with some dubious motivations that don't ring true when he is trying to protect his wife and child.

Which brings us neatly to the unpleasant greenish hue that seems to permeate most of the film. It is nauseating, not horrific. The worst scenes are in an American version of Mothercare that has been painted with the most disturbing green paint they could find. (When I moved into my current house, the bedroom was decorated with a similar colour. It gave me nightmares. And made me throw up my supper of Space Raiders on numerous occasions.) To make matters worse the light they use is green too. This doesn't help to make the whole baby sub-plot engaging. In fact, if Mr Phifer and his irritating partner Luda were cut out of the film completely, it would be a better experience.

After the baby episode my least favourite part is the post-credits found footage section. To me it is completely unnecessary. Zombies have overrun the world, anywhere they go will be full of zombies, they are dead wherever they go. So the director can end the film with a supposedly up ending, as in the original, but there is always the suspicion that they will die very soon. Now when I watch the remake, I turn it off before the credits start; it's a much better ending.

I'm not normally that keen on cameos but one of the most powerful moments is an appearance by Ken Foree, preaching on the television. Scott H. Reiniger and Tom Savini also cameo but there are no appearances from David Emge or Gaylen Ross, although the latter gets her name on screen as the name of a clothes shop in a department store. I didn't see (or hear) a David Emge reference anywhere but if you know of one let me know.

From this review, it sounds like I hate the remake. And yes, it has many faults. But, I actually like it. There is an A-Team vehicle modification sequence - always guaranteed to improve any film. Plus there's an engaging subplot with a bloke called Andy in a gun shop across from the mall. The main issue is  what it's being compared to. (A similar problem exists with The Wicker Tree.) I've seen it a fair few times now and still enjoy it. This must be down to the strong relationship between the two leads and the aforementioned overhead shots that never fail to impress. Not as good as I remember, but this is definitely one of the better remakes.
6/10
evlkeith

(Average rating for the season so far = 5.6)



If you like this you could also try:
Dawn of the Dead (1978), Night of the Living Dead, Day of the Dead (1985), The Horde.