Review - The Hidden (1987 - Dir. Jack Sholder)

The Hidden is not too bad as low budget sci-fi horror films go, but I do feel it is a tad overrated. It starts off well, with a fairly surprising start involving CCTV footage of a bank. The car chase that follows is well handled. This section also includes the film's funniest moment, involving a Ferrari, high speed and a wheelchair. Plus occupant. I'm not condoning this sort of behaviour in real-life because, even though wheelchairs have a high points value, it's just not polite. I also learnt that in America it is an offence to smirk in a cocky manner, punishable by having a car exploded right next to your face, incurring severe burns. Harsh.

Kyle Maclachlan (Blue Velvet) plays an FBI agent, Lloyd Gallagher, who gets teamed up with Tom Beck, a streetwise, grizzled cop (Michael Nouri) to catch a hedonistic killer on a rampage. Maclachlan is spot on in his role. I won't say any more, for fear of spoiling it. If you've seen any science-fiction at all, chances are you'll be in familiar territory with the rest of the plot. It's hard to say how original it was at the time, but it bears some similarities to Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 

As a late 80s film, it hasn't dated too badly. The music and technology are definitely from that era but the cop scenes hold up well. The special effects are also surprisingly good. The highlight is the transfer of an alien from one body to another. One of the heads is ropey but the other is very effective and on first viewing doesn't even look like an effect.

The rest of the main cast do a half decent job of playing it straight. Claudia Christian (Babylon 5) gets to shoot some really big guns and show her butt cleavage. William Boyett does a good job of looking like he's on the brink of a major heart attack. This is intentional, it's part of the plot, he hasn't just been eating too many Ginsters. There is also a 'blink and you'll miss it' appearance from Danny Trejo (Machete).

So far so good. The main problem I have with it, is that it's not very exciting, or very gross, or very emotional. In fact, it's all quite flat and low-key. It commits the cardinal sin of promising something earlier in the film that it doesn't deliver on later. If I see a little tentacle burst out of someone, in the finale I want to see loads of bursting tentacles whipping around. The technology was available at the time, the facehugger's tail in Aliens is one example, so it's a real missed opportunity.


It's still worth watching, and you never know, you might be one of the people who rates it more highly.
4/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
Lifeforce, Split Second, Dark Angel, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (any version).

Review - Hobson's Choice (1954 - Dir. David Lean)

There has been a bit of an unofficial Sir John Mills Season going on without me noticing. This is the third film containing him in not many weeks (see This Happy Breed and Ice Cold in Alex for more of his antics). No wonder he was compared to a chameleon by many of his actorly chums due to his independently swiveling eyes. Er, not really. Just from the three roles here, you can see his range. Every character is very different and at times it's hard to believe they were all played by the same man. A true master of his craft. The complete polar opposite of Mary's dad.


In Hobson's Choice he plays Willie Mossop, a boot-hand in Henry Hobson's (Charles Laughton) boot emporium. Hobson's three daughters are all of a marrying age (he believes Maggie is well past it at the ancient age of 30), but Hobson won't pay the settlement required by their husbands-to-be. When Hobson (a loveable comedy alcoholic, as they all were in the films of this period) gets completely tanked and falls into a cellar, Maggie (Brenda De Banzie) sees an opportunity for some devious crafty wiliness.

For a film that is nearly sixty years old, Maggie is a surprisingly strong female lead. Hobson obviously has his ideas about a woman's place but Maggie shows her true potential as a business woman. She is strong-minded, knows how to get what she wants and doesn't stand for any messing. Strange that one of the only pictures I can find is of her in the kitchen.

When we first meet Willie, peeking his head through the cellar trapdoor (shouting 'Swallow your soul!' - sorry, wrong film), he lacks self-esteem and clearly knows his place in the grand scheme of things. By the end of the film, Maggie transforms him into a hard-nosed, go-getting business lad. Cleverly, the script still allows you to see through the veneer of confidence to the character we know. A quality performance.

Hobson's Choice is a gentle comedy with some laugh out loud moments (in particular, the comment Willie makes the morning after his wedding night). As with most older films, the pace is slower, but this is used to great effect. In the build up to the aforementioned scene, Willie spends an eternity getting ready to go to bed, tending the fire, folding his clothes etc. This makes his comment even funnier. A classic film and one that I would recommend as a 'My First Black and White Film' experience. (Plus you get appearances from British sit-com icons John Laurie and Prunella Scales - what more do you want?)
8/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
This Happy Breed, Ice Cold in Alex, Sailor Beware.

Review - Let the Right One In (2008 - Dir. Tomas Alfredson)

I'd been saving this for ages and finally the rainy day came when I decided to give it my undivided attention. Multiple awards, over the top reviews and an acclaimed original novel all indicated that this Swedish, low budget vampire tale, was something a bit special. Things are rarely as they seem and obscurendure provides a slightly different perspective...

It was a huge disappointment for me. Apparently Alfredson toned down the more excessive horror elements of the novel and instead focused on the relationship issues between the two main characters instead. The film resembles one of the weaker episodes of a Swedish version of Waterloo Road with a 'vampire' element bolted on to pep things up a bit. The acting is generally unconvincing with the adults looking suspiciously like they are only in the film because they are the director's friends. Essentially it gets caught somewhere between being too lightweight for horror fans and too simplistic for human drama buffs.

Low budget films don't always have to look cheap, but the setting and overall feel of things convey none of the expected bleakness or isolation of a Swedish winter. It all looks a bit like the Scandinavian equivalent of the Brookside Close set. With all of Sweden to pick from I'm sure they could have found somewhere more inspirational. And what does the title mean anyway? His options for 'letting in' were limited to one option as far as I could see. Could he have let the wrong one in? Could he let the right one out? At the end of the day we don't really care.

The only bright spot is the appearance of some really bad CGI animals. Bad computer generated animal spotters are in for a real treat in the 'cat' scene! They're up there with the bluebird in KPAX and the deer in The Ring 2. Well maybe not as bad as the deer, thinking about it. (Is that a CG poodle in this shot? It's pretty good if it is. - evlkeith)

I realise every critic in the world loved the film, but I'm sorry it's just not very good. Incidentally, I watched Kick Ass on the same day as this and it's hardly an obscurendure film, but it's way, way better than this. If you're tempted to watch Let the Right One In, my advice is watch Kick Ass instead. You won't be disappointed.

2/10

Doccortex

(I've seen this too and read the book. Now, being a bit of a horror boy, you might be expecting a more generous rating from me. But, I completely agree with the Doc's verdict. A major let down. The book was okay at best and the film even neshed it on some of the more goresome scenes, removing the parts I was actually looking forward to. If I want to watch pasty faced children in the snow chewing the necks off homeless people, I'll go to Rotherham in January. I think I'll watch Kick Ass instead. - evlkeith)

If you like this you could also try:
Pan's Labyrinth, The Orphanage, The Devil's Backbone, Nightwatch (1994 original).

Review - The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984 - Dir. John C. Broderick)

Kain (David Carradine) is a holy warrior who enters a village at war. The villagers are dying of thirst but there is a well full of water guarded by the evil Zeg's lackeys. Bal Caz is the leader of another faction who is also after control of the well. To gain the upper hand Zeg has captured the sorceress Naja and tries to get her to forge a mega-powerful sword. Obviously, Kain gets involved... 


Here's a typical scene: a big fat camp fella (Bal Caz) in a nappy lies on a bed, a bored looking woman sits by his side with her dumplings out whilst a really bad paper mache crocodile thing chitters into his ear. In a later scene, Bal Caz is carried into the village on a bed/throne combo and severely hams it up. Was this possibly the inspiration for Greasus Goldtooth? (That was me coming out of the Geek Closet, there.)


The dumplings don't end there. Naja has hers out for the first fifteen minutes until Kain covers her up. She's very soon recaptured and her dumplings are out again. Even when she finally escapes and is safe, she still doesn't bother to put them away. She's not the only one though. Most (possibly all) of the ladies have their dumplings out. The director thought that this was all getting a bit dull though, so he throws in a lady with four dumplings. David Carradine looks on, bored. Zeg rubs the end of his weapon and leers. (Not for the first time either: in an earlier scene with a naked Naja, he suggestively strokes his sword. Dirty little tinker.)

The acting is of the sub-panto variety. No one comes out of this unscathed. The prime offenders are Zeg, Bal Caz and Burgo the Slaver who is beyond belief. Worse still are the fight scenes. Normally, when you watch the 'Making Of' features you see them practising fight scenes in slow motion, barely making contact. That's what every fight looks this in this film. There's less force behind the blows than 70s Saturday dinnertime wrestling. One tentacled creature gets killed by little more than a paper cut. As for the full on battles, can you actually have a battle where you don't hit your opponent? Seemingly so. And then there's the half-arsed slave whippings/strokings. Shocking.

You might have guessed that The Warrior and the Sorceress is fairly terrible. Initially, it was quite funny but it becomes very wearing to the point where zero-anesthetic dentistry would be preferable. The villagers who wear gimp inspired masks are the only thing to drag this out of the quagmire. (I promise to finish the Sword and Sorcery season on a high, after the last two useless offerings.)
2/10
evlkeith



If you like this you could also try:
The Sword and the Sorcerer, The Lost Empire, any of the Deathstalker films.

Review - Red State ( 2011 - Kevin Smith)

I hadn't heard anything about this but I saw it advertised and saw the words 'Kevin Smith' and 'horror'. I really liked Smith's run on Daredevil where he killed off Karen Page, so a horror film by him can't be all bad. 

The 'horror' tag is a bit of a red-herring, because what starts off as a standard issue horror opener - three randy teenage lads get the offer of a foursome, drink some dodgy pop with the lovely lady, fall unconscious and wake up in the hands of an extreme right-wing church cult/sect thing - gradually morphs into something different and, in truth, more interesting. It is very hard to genrelise it. Which is good. 

As expected, the script is witty and clever. When the leader of the church, Abin Cooper (Michael Parks) starts to preach and quote the scriptures you can clearly see the logical links that can be made if you believe in the bible to the letter and carefully choose which parts to quote. It all seems so rational. Don't get worried about me. I did say 'if'. (The last time I set foot in a church, I had third degree burns within milliseconds and I had to be driven off by my dad, who just so happens to look a bit like Gregory Peck.) Anyway, I can't quite recall there being a passage in the bible that relates to killing gay men through the use of a gun, shrink wrap and a gimp ball. Cooper's lesson seems to fall apart at that point.

Initially, I was a bit sceptical when John Goodman made an appearance as an agent type. The first sections contains unknowns (to me anyway) so it was jarring when in steps a big-name star. You expect him to be funny and he is. But the humour is very understated and he can actually play quite emotional scenes. He really grew on me during the course of the film.

You can never tell where Red State is going next. Is it a straight horror? A comedy? A siege drama? Is it a comment on extreme religious views? Or on the way that the US Government deals with 'undesirables'? It's a bit of everything. A veritable pick 'n' mix feast of filmic goodness. I can't say that I'd want to see it again, part of the fun is not knowing what to expect, but it's definitely worth watching once.
7/10
evlkeith




If you like this you could also try:
(Being such a broad mix of genres, there's nothing really like it, that I can think of. Just watch it and enjoy.)

Review - The Treasure Hunter (2009 - Yen-Ping Chu)

I thought for a while that I'd found a hidden gem in The Treasure Hunter. Everything starts off so well. Fighters erupt from under the sand, proceed to batter each other and then plunge back into the dunes. Exciting stuff. Not long after that you are treated to what can only be described as 'Bandage Man'. A man with bandages (obviously) that he uses to attack our plucky hero, Qiao Fei (Jay Chou) in glorious slow motion. It may all seem a tad strange, and the CG effects aren't the best, but I cut it some slack because of the level of creativity on show.

Then the middle section saunters in. Oh dear. Everything grinds to a halt as romance descends. Okay, Lan Ting (Chilling Lin) is fairly gorgeous, but do we really need so many scenes of them wittering on about liking each other? I can't really remember what else happens. Suffice to say that random dullness abounds. The only respite you get are the antics of the gormless henchmen who manage to raise a few smiles on occasion.

Fortunately, things pick up again for the finale in the lost city which borrows heavily from the Tomb Raider games and Raiders of the Lost Ark. But The Treasure Hunter never quite reaches the giddy peak of 'Bandage Man' again. A shame.

It's hard to say anything about the story because everything is so random (that word seems to keep cropping up). Characters appear. Fight a bit. Do something strange. Then vanish. You're never quite sure why. 'Bandage Man' is quality, but he's only in it for five minutes and in that time you never get to know who he is, what his allegiances are, or why he's covered in attack bandages.

I really wanted to like this film after the initial burst of action. Sadly it was not to be. It only cost me a couple of quid though and it's definitely worth that. Just don't set your expectations too high. Except for 'Bandage Man'. He's great.

4/10

evlkeith

If you like this you could also try:
Armour of God, Operation Condor.